飛ぶ Jump!
by hyugaki
Summary: "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain." Wrenched from her life as a star volleyball player, Kotori Sorano is torn between lurking in the background as a fodder ninja or using her knowledge and determination to take the cold, unforgiving world by storm. OC!Rebirth, Strong!OC
1. - one -

**Jump**

* * *

 **\- one - musings of a background character**

I never thought this would happen.

 _(we planned it from the start…)_

I never wanted to be the antagonist of my beloved story.

( _... we planned it from the start)_

I wanted to sit in the background while the good guys cleaned up the world and beat the bad guys to a pulp. One thing lead to another, and my life whirred down the drain, and I couldn't save it. I was spiralling out of control.

 _(...we planned it)_

But for some peculiar reason, I **enjoyed** every bit of it.

( _ **you**_ planned it from the start…)

* * *

 **Author's note:** For those of you who were following me for my story, Strawberry, I'm sorry to say that it's on an indefinite hiatus. I had fun creating my character, Ichigo, and conducting research and composing chapters and -

I'm rambling, aren't I? I had fun, and I enjoyed your reviews. It's my most read, most reviewed stories I've written on here, and I'm pleased. Unfortunately, during 2014, when my story was in its peak, I suffered from a few cornea scars and I was unable to write for a while. My eye healed a week after, and I returned to writing.

The arc I had written for Ichigo was weak. It was akin to a filler arc, which served no purpose to the characters or to advance the plot, other than just to… fill in some chapters. There are many things I regret, as well, such as Ichigo's seduction mission and making Ichigo overtly weak. In my attempts to avoid creating a Mary-Sue, I made a completely opposite character. I made a… Gloria Stu? Whatever you call it, Ichigo was annoyingly weak. As I sift through reviews now, I knew it frustrated many readers and it frustrates me as well. Additionally, I didn't quite have a planned end for Ichigo. Would I kill her off like most fodder ninja? Would she retire? What would she do with her knowledge? I had no clue.

Finally, I had grown to despise the series. The series was milk, the ending was rushed and mediocre, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I simply fell out of love. Recently, I rewatched the first show, and realized it was still a… somewhat good story (the first series, anyways). I'm dissatisfied, like I'm sure most female Naruto fans, with the lack of strong female characters. Kishimoto claimed "I'm not good with writing fem characters". I wonder, what's so different? It's the same as your male characters, just with… a different gender. It frustrated me to no end, so I decided to write a _strong_ female character. My new protagonist won't be weak; most of her conversations or motivations won't be centered around men. That's my goal.

If you want to read an OC rebirth story with a strong female lead, well, I'm trying to compose of a story like that!

Anyways, thank you for checking me out! :*


	2. - two -

Jump!

 **\- two -**

My body was being flung around by the ocean like a fucking ragdoll. Briny water rushed into my nostrils, burning the walls of my throat.

I'm dying.

I clawed fruitlessly at the water, as if attempting to pull myself up. The angry waves tugged at me aggressively. I was being lugged into the deep and dark abyss. My feet flailed desperately. _Swim._

I'm dying.

Fear immobilized my limbs. I was choking. I was suffocating - I was _drowning_ , and my body suddenly decided to succumb to the waters, and _holyfuckingshit I'm actually_ _**dying.**_

(... was someone going to save me?)

The bright sun disappeared beneath my eyelids. I have given up. Fright lurked near me, coiling around my body; I wanted to scream. I was being asphyxiated by slinky, attractive waters and a thick surrounding of utter silence. _Swim._

… (you didn't even save _**yourself**_ …)

* * *

 _Swim._

* * *

I'm being wrenched away from a brief sensation of enveloping warmth. I'm being passed around like a hot potato. I'm being squished into a freckled breast and being forced to suck. I'm hungry, and something akin to shit is filling my pants. I'm a baby.

* * *

I was reincarnated, that's certain. My first few months are uneventful. My days are wasted crying, soiling my pants, sapping up milk from my mother's tit, (which, oddly enough, reinforces our bond) and sleeping. I'm unable to control my motor functions. My skin is heavy with fat and all I could do is splutter and spit. At least I have variety: sometimes I gag. My head is heavy and I haven't passed the crawling stage yet.

My mother speaks something akin to Japanese. I'm not too sure yet, but I know it isn't English. Where _am_ I?

* * *

My name is Sorano Kotori. I'm not sure which is my first name, but I'd wager it's Kotori. It's a pretty name and it rolls off my family's tongue beautifully. Kotori. Amelia. Amelia, meet Kotori; Kotori, meet Amelia.

My mother's name is Sorano Hotaru. I hear my grandmother call her that. Sometimes my mother will passive aggressively call her Chōko.

My father is absent. I wonder if he's dead or simply was my mother's one-night-stand. I absentmindedly wonder where he is and what he's like. Is he a cold-hearted ginger with no soul? Is he a warm brunette with soft dark eyes? Is he a hard, but well-meaning old geezer?

He seldom appears on my mind. It's unimportant. We are poor. That's also - somewhat - unimportant. I have bigger things to worry about, like learning the language, finding out where exactly I am, and planning my next course of action. Besides, my family is plentiful with just my mom and grandma.

* * *

Often times, when alone, I fantasize about my phenomenal past life. I was a successful volleyball athlete on my way to the university of my dreams riding on a scholarship. I left an imprint of my legacy at my beloved high school.

My death was haunting. I was there again - in my dreams, obviously. I was in the clear and cerulean Mexican waters. The waters were enchanting and beckoning. They seduced me like deceiving sirens. I placed a sheepish toe in, and I was swiftly pried from the comforting shore and into their cold, callous grasp. The waves wrapped around me and pulled me down, _down_ into their murky, mysterious chasms.

I woke up wailing. All my mother could do was shove her fucking tit in my mouth. I was traumatized and all she could do was feed me, burp me, and check to see if I had shat myself. Wonderful. Does this whole 'reincarnation' niche include a complimentary, free therapy session?

* * *

I'm able to master crawling at five months. I'm determined, and with nothing to do in my free time, I teach myself to crawl. My body is heavy and shaky; it's not accustomed to locomotion, but I slowly teach myself. I've done it before, I could do it again My grandma catches me one day as I move from her lap to the floor. She's ecstatic and clasps her hands together in delight. She sings me a hearty Japanese nursery rhyme and rocks me in her arms as she dances across the tiny room.

It's embarrassing to admit, but being flung in the air and being caught is pretty fun, and I giggle involuntarily.

She shares the news with my mother. I still can't understand them.

* * *

I see myself in front of a mirror one day. My body is surrounded by chub and pudge. My hair is messy and an odd color. I don't bother with it. It appears to be some type of purple, but I attribute the unconventional shade to my poor baby eyesight.

* * *

At six months, the pain begins. Discomfort that shoots through my gums makes me cry and moan in pain. My family coos in sympathy and rubs ice on them, which temporarily soothes the pain.

I am teething.

I knew it's what babies have to go through, but holy shit, it hurts like hell.

Being a baby sucks.

* * *

My first word was "Mama". Now, I had practiced talking when I was sure no one was around, which was rare. Logically, no decent parent or guardian would want to leave a baby by itself.

Most of my practices were incoherent blubbering and cooing as I tried to form the words. I wasn't well-versed in Japanese, although I was beginning to pick up bits and flecks of the East Asian language. My best bet for success would be the universal "Mama". It would satisfy my mother and it was simple to say. My lack of teeth and my loss of control over my tongue and lips made it difficult to speak, however.

I finally succeeded one morning. The aforementioned woman was in the kitchen while I was perched on a high chair. After taking a few quiet breaths, I sounded the word out. It felt odd on my tongue, and I stuttered. "M… Ma… Mama,"

My mother whirled around and stared at me wide-eyed. Tears welled in her eyes and she lunged at me, encompassing me in a tight bear-hug. She coughed into my neck, but I didn't cringe or anything. Most importantly, I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to practice more. I was tired of staying silent in conversations.

* * *

My determination to contribute to mundane, daily conversations proved to be resilient. I began trying to pronounce the words my family said; stuff like _Baa-chan_ , _ohayo_ , _arigatō_ , _Hi no Kuni_ , and _akachan_. I didn't know what "Hi no Kuni" or "Akachan" particularly meant, but I attempted. I practiced whenever I could, which again, was rare. I slept with my mother and grandma and I didn't want to risk them awakening to my spluttering.

I made a mental checklist of what I had to do in the meantime. I made it a goal to complete this before my birthday:

→ Learn the language

→ Learn how to talk

→ Learn where exactly I am / time period (future?)

→ WALK!

I thought that that was simple enough for an eighteen-year-old-girl-trapped-in-a-baby's-body.

* * *

I took my first steps at ten months old. I decided to test out how well I could walk; I've been crawling around for a while and frankly, I was tired of the hardwood hurting my knees. I wriggled out my grandmother's grasp and placed a foot down, then another. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but walking was surprisingly easy… for a minute. My legs decided to take a break from the strenuous exercise and I nearly tumbled to the floor. Chōko caught me just in time, beaming ecstatically. She began rambling in Japanese, and I barely caught what she said.

* * *

 _I'm pretty damn proud of myself._

Eleven months of being fully submerged in the language, with no other choice but to listen and understand, and I was able to comprehend _somewhat._

I'm a fucking prodigy.

I was proud of myself. I was fat, I was weighed down by my monumental head, and I was able to walk.

So far, my checklist was semi-completed:

→ Learn the language

✓ Learn how to talk

→ Learn where exactly I am / time period (future?)

✓ WALK!

* * *

My dreams gradually became blithe a few months after my first birthday. Instead of dark, blood thirsty waves, I dreamt of my past life. I dreamt of a volleyball tournament. Clad in black spandex shorts and a maroon jersey, my teammates tracked a whizzing ball, positioning themselves in the appropriate stances. It soared through the air, the sound of an aggressive _**smack!**_ echoing through the gymnasium; _the opponents have struck the ball._ My heartbeat was thunderous in my ears. Sweat glided off my brow. I got into position and _**jumped**_ _._ I felt as if I were flying - _was_ I flying? It's a dream, after all - like a bird. My hand connected with the ball. My body was in harmony with my environment; the panting of my teammates, the roaring of the crowd, the sounds of sneakers squeaking against the floor, the expectant looks of our opponents. It was all a picturesque illustration. I wanted to freeze in this picture forever. I craved to be there again.

I slammed the ball down, my palm prickling and fingers buzzing with excitement. The ball crashed into the floor. My teammates cheered my name.

 _ **Kotori, Kotori, Kotor-!**_

I stirred from my stupor abruptly. The gymnasium briskly faded away, and all I saw was the slight darkness of my mother's room. I grunted. _Why were they cheering_ that _name_? I thought, perplexed. I brought my chubby hand to my forehead and clutched it. I was sweating. My pulse was pitter pattering. I was still excited from my daze.

I took a quick look around the room. It was eerily still and quiet. It was warm and airy with darkness, and the windows betrayed a glint of starlight. I attempted to control my breathing. The memory of my dream haunted me. The sound of my _American_ teammates chanting a _Japanese_ name made me shudder.

My mother's arm instinctively wrapped around me and pulled me closer. I closed my eyes, attempting to lull myself back to sleep. The utter silence frightened me.

A disgusting, bone-chilling aura and an abrupt blast of wind that shook the house woke all of us up.

* * *

 _Swim._

* * *

We were running. I was uncomfortably tucked in my mother's arm as she ran, sans her shoes. My grandmother wasn't young, but adrenaline seemingly oiled her old joints. She ran with fear apparent in her eyes.

The entire town was in mayhem. We were running.

The wind bit at my throat. It clearly irritated my mother's, and several times, she began a tiny coughing fit. I tried not to join the chorus of crying babies, but I was scared shitless.

This was the first, _real_ time I was outside my house since being born. The town seemed eerily familiar, but I couldn't bother to recall; I was panicking.

My breathing was short. We were guided into a dimly lit underground shelter.

" _Hayakusiro_!" A duo of men - police officers? They didn't don the uniform - panickedly instructed. I understood that to mean "hurry up". We hurried into the shelter, made our way to an empty corner, and plopped ourselves down. My mother's pulse was racing with fear and exhaustion. I could hear my grandmother wheezing for breaths. Confusion invaded me; what was going on? Was it a tornado? Hurricane? Tsunami? Terrorist attack?

My grandmother began speaking to my mother in a low voice. She was catching her breaths. "Did… you see?" she murmured.

"What?" my mother said in a hushed voice.

Incomprehensible Japanese ensued. I caught only specks of the conversation. Familiar words such as "Kyuubi", "shinobi" stuck out like a sore thumb.

I frowned, my heart skipping a beat. _Where did I hear 'kyuubi' from…?_ It was at the tip of my tongue.

As if to answer my question, a man with tanned skin walked in.

" _Mina, ochitsuite!"_ he boomed, causing panicked conversations to die down.

I craned my neck as best as I could to take a good look at him. My heart stopped. He looked quite normal and plain looking; short brown hair and sun-kissed skin were flushed with sweat. The only thing that was remotely striking was the a forehead protector proudly tied around his, well, _forehead._

 _The sandals. The language. The town. The 'blast of wind'. Kyuubi. The -_

It all finally registered. My heart began beating erratically. I felt as if I were going to die.

I wasn't in _Japan._ I was in the world of _Naruto_.


	3. - three -

Jump!

* * *

 ** _Part 1: Yellow_**

 **Arc 1:**

 **Three**

* * *

Initially, I was incredulous. It was impossible in every single way. I _drowned_ and _died_. Okay, that's acceptable, somewhat. I was _reincarnated_ into a newborn? Fine, that warrants a little skepticism but I could tolerate that. I was _reincarnated into a baby who lived in the world of Naruto, a fictional series?_ Does God play me as a fool, or what?

I couldn't deny the facts splayed out in front of me, however. The Kyuubi attack, the citizens' attire, the oddly quaint, but sort of modern, appearance of the village, the familiar emblem etched onto bandanas tied around certain residents' forehead, even the color of my fucking _hair!_

I was running around a world created by a Japanese mangaka. I lived in the same village that would soon be destroyed, like what, five fucking times?

The Kyuubi attack left us sleeping in the shelter for a bit. After about two days, we were cleared to leave, and we all slowly and shakily tottered out the refuge like dazed zombies. It was a miracle that our tiny house was near the emergency evacuation shelter. It was another that our house wasn't destroyed in the mess.

I was still in a glazed stupor when we went home. We were all ghostly quiet. Grandma absentmindedly braided, unbraided, and rebraided her hair. My mother sat in the corner, knees pulled to her chest, wide-eyed, and twiddled her fingers. They were traumatized.

It was no surprise. The Kyuubi chakra was… bleak. It felt _angry_ and _aggressive_ and filled with thick, frothing fury, reminiscent of the waves that stole my life. It felt like a Dementor swept in and sucked my soul.

I was also saddened by the fact that Naruto Uzumaki's parents were dead. This would be the start of his life as a loner, wallowing in sadness. This would be the start of his journey, dealing with struggles, solitary, and stigma. It wasn't in my hands and had nothing to do with me, but I was sad, nonetheless.

I decided to waddle into my mother's arms and clutch her long fingers with my tiny hands. Her dark eyes bore into mine and softened. She caressed my cheeks softly and hugged me. We didn't exchange words. The embrace spoke for itself.

* * *

Even after my realization of where I was, I was still slightly skeptical. During my annoying preteen years, I dabbled in the world of lucid dreaming, and I performed many reality checks to ensure that this was, well, _reality._ I stared at my palms, looked at texts, gazed at clocks, looked at my reflection, and even attempted to fly. Everything checked out as "normal", but I was unable to explain _why_ I was here. I was an avid consumer of Naruto. One of my volleyball teammates showed the series to me, and I was hooked ever since. I followed every weekly episode and chapter release; I perused countless of fanfiction, and I even purchased a cosplaying hitai-ate. It was ironic that I was actually… _in this world._

I still had doubts despite the surrealism of everything around me. What if this is all an illusion? What if I'm hallucinating? What if this is all just a mania-induced delusion?

* * *

I soon lost track of time as it rapidly sped by. My mother still shuddered at the thought of Kyuubi, but my grandma seemed to recover well.

I spent most of my days resting, practicing my motor skills, and learning how to speak Japanese. My mother diligently taught me how to read and speak. I suppose being fully drenched in the language sped up my learning time.

After a few years, which I predict have been at least four, (according to my shaky concept of time, I must be five, as I've had five birthdays) I was able to completely and fluently converse with my family, which made life here a whole lot easier.

I made a quick mental note of all the facts I learned during my four year stay here:

 **One:** The chakra residing in me was discernible. It was latent, but I felt it. It was a warm circulation flowing throughout my entire body, transcending any mental and physical limitations. It indicated bustling life within me. I felt others chakra, too. I wasn't particularly sensitive to it, like a sensory ninja, but I sensed how others' chakra differed from mine. They had different feelings. My mother's (a civilian) chakra, for example, was raw and unrefined, like a young seedling awaiting to burgeon. On the contrary, when I was near ninjas, I felt a refined, smooth, and purified chakra; a towering, succulent plant that has been used.

At least, that's how I was able to interpret it.

 **Two:** I was in Team Gai's age group.

I was a year old when the Kyuubi attack like Team Gai.

* * *

The subtle scent of mildew wafted through the air. The soft, ochre sky greeted me gently as I arose from my slumber. I sat up, pulled my knees to my chest, and stared absentmindedly at my toes.

Well. I had a lot to do, and little time to plan.

I reached under my paper thin pillow, grabbed a handful of notes. I sifted through the crumpled papers stained with English words, - my old native tongue was perfect to write vital and secret notes without my family finding out - picked a blank sheet, and began writing.

 **Checklist For Me to Do:**

✔ learn the language

→ father? where are you?

✔learn what timeline i'm in

→ decide what i'll do with my life (civilian? ninja?)

→ **try not to die**

→ don't fuck up canon

→ attend school

I tapped the end of my pencil on the corner of my mouth in deep thought. What _will_ I do with my life? I'm armed with confidential and classified information. I know mostly everything about the characters: their techniques, their imminent deaths, their most cavernous secrets, their nefarious plans, their _future_. If I didn't know any better, I would wreak havoc upon the village. Sell the information to a thirsty bidder, save my favorite characters from heartache, fuck up the storyline…

It was alluring and I spent a few minutes thinking about it, but I ultimately decided not to. The shinobi world was cold and biting. I didn't want to dabble into it, _unless I absolutely had to_ , and I'd wager I didn't. I lived with two normal civilians in a normal civilian home. I wouldn't use my knowledge for evil, selfish plans. _**(unless you absolutely had to…)**_

The sound of my mother's sandals slapping against the floor caused me to briskly tuck my papers underneath my pillow.

The door swung open and her head peeked through. "Kotori-chan, you're awake! It's time for you to shower. I have a surprise for you downstairs."

I curiously clambered to my feet. "What is it?" I inquired.

She cleared her throat. "It's a _surprise_ ," she emphasized. With that, she turned on her heel and closed the door.

I sighed, raking through my brain, trying to predict what was the surprise. A late birthday gift? A puppy? My dad's came back?

I chuckled at my dark humor.

* * *

The smell of sticky white rice and hot tea wafted through the air, making me realize just how famished I was.

I made my way into the kitchen to see my family huddled together expectantly. They were conversing in hushed, excited whispers. When they noticed my presence, they abruptly stopped. My mother eagerly rose from the table and gestured for me to sit down.

A bowl of breakfast waited for me. My mouth watered and I began to dig in.

"Wait, Kotori-chan," Mother halted me from devouring my food. I looked at her in confusion.

"Well, we have a surprise for you," she said. Without pausing for dramatic effect, she continued, "Since you're five years old already, we've decided to enroll you in civilian school!"

I froze. _School_? _Civilian_ school? I didn't know what to feel but nevertheless, my heart skipped a beat. I was excited of course. I was finally going to attend school to become a productive member of society. I would actually be a village citizen, interacting with children my age and mellow teachers.

I also felt something indecipherable: disappointment? Boredom? Relief? Excluded? I was being whisked off to civilian school to learn how to be a normal civilian, while the other "cooler" kids would be off to Ninja academy, learning cool jutsus and fight hand-to-hand combat. I wouldn't be taught how to kill someone, but was that a good thing? I didn't want to be bored my entire life, but I also didn't want my life to be in danger any time I stepped out the village. I was conflicted.

"When do I start?" I asked after a pregnant pause.

My mother coughed into her elbow and beamed, "In a few weeks. I'll go with you after breakfast to buy a few supplies, okay?"

"Kotori-chan, are you happy?" my grandmother asked, reaching across the table and squeezing my hand.

I was at a loss of what to say. " _I'm glad to be going off to 'normie academy', but I kinda don't want to be like the both of you, bored out of my wits and doing absolutely nothing - no offense. I sort of want to learn how to do ninjutsu and kick ass, but I also don't want to interact with canon characters and fuck up canon, which as a fellow shinobi, I surely will have to. Finally, I don't want my life to be at constant risk, but I also don't want to let my extensive knowledge of the Naruto universe go to waste. All in all, I'm conflicted, but thanks for thinking of me!"_

"I… I'm very happy," I murmured into my bowl instead.

I was frustrated at my diverging emotions. I should be grateful and happy. Looking at my family's cheesy grins made my heart hurt. I didn't want to make them worry. I'd wager they didn't quite understand why any civilian would want to give up their chance at a normal life to lead a perilous lifestyle of murder and death.

At the very least, I could check off "attend school" and "try not to fuck up canon" off my checklist.

* * *

Trotting around a village that you used to admire from a Japanese manga book was surreal. I was afraid that I was dreaming. As a prepubescent, I used to yearn to live in the world of ninjas. I wanted to do those bad ass hand signs and do crazy jutsus; I wanted to eat ramen with Naruto and attend bathhouses with Sakura.

I was in a dark place when I was younger. Puberty was brutal. The mood swings and depression were merciless and attacked me like a virus. Temporarily delving into the world of Naruto for thirty minutes alleviated my emotional pain. _Living_ in it made me feel… happy? Scared? Neutral? Nostalgic?

My mother took me to a supplies shop where I could purchase a few scrolls, notebooks, and pens, as per the supply list.

"The Civilian school is amazing," she chirped as she slung the bag of newly purchased supplies over her shoulder, "it teaches you the history of Konohagakure. You'll learn maths, Japanese, geography, and…" she tapped her bottom lip in thought, "arts!"

"Arts?" I asked. My mother stopped outside a clothing store and grinned.

"As you know, Kotori-chan, shinobi is a lucrative job. It earns the village money, respect, and honor. They represent their village virtuously and help the village with economics and such. Civilians - well, we have to pull our own weight. While they're out fighting the bad guys and protecting the village, we have to make the village _worth_ protecting. Figuring out your use is important as a civilian. At school, they can help you figure yourself out, discover your niche. Do you understand?"

I nodded, deep in thought. Being a civilian sounded depressingly boring. Safe? Yes. But depressingly boring.

Before I could contemplate about the matter further, my mother froze. Her eyes grew wide and she began coughing.

I grew accustomed to my mother's coughing fits. She's been sick since I was one. She began coughing greatly subsequent to the Kyuubi attack but they were only a few hems here and there.

I stared at her in horror as she collapsed to her wobbling knees and coughed uncontrollably, garnering a few glances from bystanders.

"Kaachan…?" I trailed off. I grabbed her shoulder, attempting to help her up, but stopped in my tracks when I noticed a few smears of blood on her hand. My heart stopped breathing and my stomach whirred with panic.

I finally noticed - like, _really_ noticed - my mother. I've been too busy trying to master Japanese and accept that I was in the Naruto world to realize my mother's sickness has burgeoned. Her eyes were shadowed by thin, dark circles; her bright eyes were tired lost its gleam. Her lips were cracked and she looked thinner than usual.

She looked up at me helplessly. Her lips moved, but nothing came out. Her body swayed slightly as if dancing in the wind, and after finally succumbing, she crumpled to the ground.

* * *

 **Author's note:** I'm super sorry for the short chapters. The next few chapters are a little longer, so hang on tight! I want to get the exposition and the introduction out the ways.

Thank you for reviewing and following this story. I try my hardest to write acceptable chapters. Please give me feedback so I can improve. :') Thanks!


	4. - four -

Jump!

Part 1: Yellow

Arc 1

 _(children are the best liars,_

 _because after a while, even they_

 _begin to be deceived by their own fabrications_

Four

* * *

The house was eerily empty without my mother.

It was quieter in her absence. My mother animated the house, comforting us with witty jokes, warm smiles, and cozy hugs. I missed her, and whenever I thought about her, - unconscious, fresh blood dripping on the corner of her mouth - my throat became coated with sobs.

My grandmother didn't smile much since that day. Genuinely, at least. She tried to smile at me, but it faltered as soon as it appeared. We didn't speak much. Simple "good morning"s, "good night"s, "how are you?" "what's for dinner?" sufficed.

Wait. My mom wasn't _dead_.

After she collapsed that day, a few good samaritans helped drag her to the village hospital. It was terrifying, seeing a stranger sling her over their shoulder like a bag. She looked _dead._ I felt like I was going to regurgitate my breakfast that day.

At the hospital, one of the kind strangers stayed with me and offered to give me a popsicle. I shakily declined. My grandmother was alerted and she came to the hospital an hour later.

After a week of her fainting, Grandmother advised me not to visit her. After I argued with her, she she agreed to allow me to visit her after she improves.

"The doctor's are still treating her," she told me, "and she's still very, very sick. It hurts me to see her in that condition. I don't want you to be mentally scarred."

My mother had a disease.

Grandmother was reluctant to involve me in "adult business", but dammit, I'm _already_ an adult. I figured it out sooner or later after stealthy eavesdroppings and intelligence gathering at the library. When I discovered - after hearing the conversations between my grandma and the doctor - that she had a debilitating chakra disorder called Peripheral Tenketsu Disorder (PTD), I needed to research about it. The internet didn't quite exist, so my only source was the library.

Surprisingly, convincing my grandmother to allow me to go to the library by myself was pretty easy. I simply used a lame excuse of wanting to begin my civilian studies early to make my mother proud and I wanted to begin my endeavors unaccompanied. I think she was comfortable permitting a five year old to walk around in solitude because the library wasn't too far from our house, and besides, the culture in this world is very lax on the liberation of children. For fucks sake, they let a thirteen year old kill his entire clan and a six year old become a Chūnin. Letting a five year old girl prance around a relatively safe village wasn't a huge deal.

The library was warm and tranquil. A few quiet citizens were perched on wooden chair, their noses buried in books. I earned a few, curious glances from fellow bookworms and a conspicuous chuckle from the librarian.

I gave myself a small tour and found a few books on chakra theory and chakra disorders. The latter had textbooks riddled with large words that were difficult for myself to read.

I spent a few hours devouring information upon information concerning PTD. Reading on Mother's disease quelled my anxiety and fears and minimized the severity of it. I felt better, and I learned an assload of stuff:

Chakra is the very essence of life. That's an indisputable fact that's emphasized throughout the show _and_ in real life. Akin to how cells were the basic unit of life back in my original world, in this world, chakra inhabited every living thing. An organism cannot live nor function without chakra. Okay, got that.

Improper chakra circulation, according to the books and Mother's doctor, can occur. It isn't common, but it isn't extremely rare, either. Proper chakra flow is important, as it carries and transports energy, nutrients, and other properties to your organs and cells. PTD affects the tenketsu, and it isn't able to flow properly. This can affect your organs, but the most commonly affected are the lungs and liver. My mother's chakra doesn't circulate efficiently around her lungs. It flows, but just… not enough. (I theorize that all cells and organs need to have some sort of chakra circulation, otherwise the cells would die and organs would begin shutting down. My mother isn't in this stage. Yet.)

After proper research was conducted, doctors concluded that the disorder was hereditary and not contagious. Furthermore, they've developed a cure in the past decade, and the disorder isn't quite as grave and perilous as it previously was.

After a few more hours of reading, I decided to wrap it up. I felt reassured, which accomplished my goal. My mother wasn't going to die. Contracting this disorder wasn't a death sentence. There was treatment _and_ a cure. I wondered why my grandmother didn't disclose this fact to me. It would have saved me a good week of constant perturbation and anxiety.

 _(There's something else. She's hiding something else…._ )

I frowned. I would have to confront her when I return home.

I decided to, for some odd reason, check out a few books on chakra theory. The librarian raised an amused eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

 _I only checked it out because I'm curious,_ I tried telling myself, _chakra is a really,_ really _interesting study. We didn't have that in my world and I want to learn as much as I can._ I didn't want to be a ninja or anything, that's _ridiculous._ I'm going to civilian school in a few months, anyways, and I'll be off, ostracized from the shinobi world. I'll be content with my safe, sheltered, and secure civilian lifestyle. I only checked it out because I'm curious.

 _ **Lying to yourself is more difficult than I imagined.**_

* * *

When Grandmother learned why I was truly at the library, she was less than pleased.

"Kotori-chan, I'm appalled that you lied to your own grandmother!" she sniffed, crossing her arms and scowling.

"I just wanted to learn about her didn't tell me anything and I was worried," I said. I knew that would elicit sympathy and soothe her red-hot anger, like splashing water on a flame.

True to my predictions, she stopped marching back and forth and turned to me. Her features had softened.

"Oh, Kotori-chan," she exhaled, "it's… it's going to be okay, _okay_? She'll get better." She rubbed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me.

 _(There's something else. She's hiding something else…)_

"We're too poor, right?" I queried, catching her off guard. She recoiled her arm like she had been stabbed. It was easy to put two and two together. If medication was available, Grandmother would have said something. Treatment would be affordable, but a _cure_? That'll cost an arm and a leg, especially for us.

"We can't afford to heal her?"

"I… we… well, yes. I can afford treatments," she said, confirming my suspicions, "but the cure... well, I'm afraid my savings can't cover that. What I _can_ do is save up from the bakery. Business has been slow lately but - well, don't you worry about that."

"How long will the treatment stabilize her?" _Give me good news. Anything. Good news, please._

She frowned at my question but brushed it off. "According to the doctor, and if we pray and we're diligent about her health, perhaps a few years. That's good news, yeah?" she caressed my hair.

 _A few years. How long is that? Two? Three? Ten?_

Most likely five, I deduced. That's not enough time, especially if Grandmother is struggling to even afford treatment.

I stared at my toes. _We have to do something. We can't let money kill my mother._ Anxiety washed over me once more like a pool of ice cold water. I was trapped in a tiny, suffocating box. I couldn't breathe. Anytime I even thought about it - my mom being left for _dead_ because we were too poor to afford the cure - I felt my heart racing and my lungs couldn't catch up. I was barely breathing. I was _choking._ I was in those waters again, and I was _**dying**_ , I couldn't _**swim**_ -

"Kotori-chan, what is _this_?" Grandmother finally noticed my stack of books resting on the table, breaking me out of my solemn reverie. "You are too smart for your own good." She traced the first text, " _Chakra and You_ "

"I'm just interested," I quickly said, "chakra is a very interesting topic, and just because I'm not a ninja doesn't mean I can't learn about it." _In my old world, chakra didn't exist. We couldn't mold chakra and do bad ass jutsus or walk on water. Be appreciative, you old geezer._ I snickered at my humorous nickname for Grandmother.

"Is this funny, Kotori-chan?" she sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I truly hope you don't want to be a kunoichi. That's non-negotiable. We already enrolled you in civilian school -"

"Of course, Grandmother," I interjected, waving my hands frantically, "I don't. I want to be just like you and Mother."

 _ **But lying to other people, now**_ **that's** _**easy.**_

* * *

The silence of my room comforted me. I slipped into my bed, wrapped myself around my blanket, and closed my eyes.

 _I have to do something._ That was clear. I couldn't sit here with shit in my hands and do nothing.

It seemed futile, though. Grandma was right. What the hell can _I_ , a five year old, do that _she_ , fifty years my senior, _can't_? I've always been a good brain stormer back when I was Amelia. Devising strategies for my team, creative projects in school, coming up with solutions, and so forth. I was stumped this time, however.

There wasn't much a five year old brat could do to scrape up money. Selling lemonade wasn't a common practice in this world and mowing lawns were usually done by Genin. I can't do _anything_.

I dug my nails into my palms as I clenched my fists. I felt my body shivering and tears stung my eyes. My throat was thick with arising sobs. I felt helpless. I felt completely and utterly alone in this world, unable to do anything. _She's sick. My mother is sick and all I can do is cry. Fucking buck up,_ I thought. I aggressively wiped my eyes.

I reached under my pillow, took out a blank piece of paper, and began writing. Jotting my thoughts on paper helped me to sift through them and pick out a better solution. It made me more productive, focused, and helped me work efficiently.

 **Problem:**

mother is sick.

 **?what i need to do?**

\- make enough money to help cure her/help gma with money

 **Obstacles:**

\- age

A dark thought appeared in the back of my head. It was vile and wicked, whispering nefariously, coiling around my brain: _what if you sold your information?_

It wasn't a bad idea. My knowledge was priceless. I wonder how much someone would pay to know which one of their friends would die or how their diabolical plans would be thwarted and when. Information is extremely valuable in the ninja world. It was the quickest, but inarguably the most dangerous way to pay for my mother's road to health.

My breathing faltered. _Would I really do it? Would I really sacrifice the chance of a normal, inconspicuous civilian life to save my mother? Was I capable of doing that?_

…

… _(_ _ **you already know the answer**_ _)..._

I hesitantly wrote it down.

 **Solutions:**

sell info

become a ninja

I frowned at the second option. Undoubtedly, being a shinobi is one of the most lucrative - but dangerous - career in the village. They were often praised by most of of the villagers for their chivalry and sacrifice _(you know that's bullshit)_ and were compensated for their work _(in this world, this time slaves get paid)_. I could save all my money from missions and together with my grandmother's savings, we could afford a cure.

The biggest downside is schooling: Ninja Academy begins, generally, at five or six years old. That's around six or seven years of schooling, and even if I graduate and pass the Genin test, I'll be completing low paying D-rank missions which'll be split between _four_ team members (and I'm sure the Jōnin gets the most), and a percentage will go to the village. I'll be raking in a tiny amount.

 _Still, it's something,_ I thought. It's better than becoming the antagonist of my own story and screwing over some of my favorite characters. I'll become a plain, fodder Chūnin. I'll retire after a certain amount of time. I can get strong enough to not die.

I finally felt - somewhat - complete. I had some sort of clear, cohesive goal ahead of me. It was the safest and had a greater chance of becoming successful.

 _ **(so why aren't you satisfied?) ...**_

With my decision firm, I reached for the nearest book, _Chakra and You: The Circumstances, Attributes, and Theory of Life_ , and began reading. I had to njstart practicing now if I wanted to be a relatively successful ninja.

…

 _ **(perhaps you crave more?)**_

…

* * *

For the next two weeks, I began studying the theory of chakra. It took some difficulties to comprehend, but I managed to tackle the topic and cover the rudiments. The topic of chakra is extremely convoluted and intricate. There are so many myths and unknown knowledge about chakra, like Kaguya and the Sage of Six Paths, but I didn't bother reading or even thinking about them. It was too complicated, and I had to start with the basics.

Chakra is the basic, essential unit of life. It can be utilized in various ways, like to enhance a shinobi's abilities (depending on genetics, hiden jutsus, kekkei genkais, and chakra control, stuff like strength, senses, raw power, etc). This is shown in the manga; Sakura concentrates a certain amount of chakra to her fists to augment her strength. The Inuzuka clan shifts a precise amount of chakra to enhance their sense of smell. Dojutsus function by applying chakra to their optic nerves and gives enhancement. Most, if not all, shinobi centralize chakra to their feet and hands to stick to trees, water, walls, and ceilings. I made a mental note to bookmark this. This can be extremely useful.

Hand seals are imperative to mold, sculpt, and shape the necessary amount of chakra needed to perform a technique. Hand seals are generally used with two hands, but (very, very rarely) some formidable shinobis, like Haku, are able to use one hand seals. Twelve basic hand seals are frequently utilized. I wagered that's what they teach to the Academy students.

Furthermore, cells of the body utilize chakra. Chakra and ATP are not one of the same, but they fuel each other. Chakra helps cells produce ATP efficiently and ATP, somewhat, runs on chakra. For example, when one runs out of energy, chakra becomes increasingly difficult to mold and there's a risk of depleting even more chakra.

Chakra control is also important to comprehend so that the user does not waste chakra. One shouldn't expend an excessive amount of chakra (no more than ~2-5%) when performing little, miniscule feats like focusing chakra on your feet or hands to steady yourself on water.

There was more - much, much more - but I couldn't condense it into something simpler. I wrote this all down in the journal Mother purchased, intending for me to use it during civilian school.

I began doing leaf exercises in the comfort of my quiet room. It was featured in one of my books, and I recalled it being discussed in Naruto. It helps antsy, fidgety shinobi to focus, concentrate, and teaches them the first few stages of effective chakra control. I did this all inconspicuously behind Grandmother's back. I still haven't broken the news to her, and I wasn't planning to until I completed the leaf exercise.

I collected leaves near our house. Konohagakure - _Leaf_ Village - had a plethora of trees, and the wind gently dropped them off near our doorsteps. After I had an adequate amount, I retreated to my room. Sitting cross legged, I placed the leaf on my forehead.

According to various publications, one must concentrate chakra onto their forehead and force the leaf to stick. It seemed simple enough, but for someone who has never practiced molding chakra, it was difficult.

I tried to imagine my chakra. I imagined it was blue - my "third eye" - and imagined chakra circulating throughout my body. Okay, cool. The image is, to some extent, solid and descriptive. I felt a warm, buzzing sensation underneath my skin. I pictured a ball of blue chakra slowly and gradually forming near my frontal bone. _Now, stick!_ I commanded.

I let go of the leaf, and to my dismay, it slowly descended to my lap.

I sighed. Okay, let's try a second time. I tried to remain positive: at least I _felt_ my chakra circulate and I got a good image. Now, it's a matter of controlling it.

I spent the following few days, cross legged with a green leaf pressed against my forehead, thinking about a _blue ball_. Each night I practiced, feeling as if I was one step closer. I would be able to get the leaf to stick for a millisecond, and then it would hastily unattach itself from my sweaty forehead and fall down to the floor.

Chakra coils, as specified by my library books, were capable of being strengthened if one frequently meditates and practices, similar to working out and muscle hypertrophy (growth) occurring. I wasn't sure if it was the placebo effect, but I felt my chakra becoming more refined. It was a very miniscule change, but I _felt it_.

On the sixth night of consecutive exercise, it lingered on my forehead for _five seconds._ I counted. Excitement rushed through me and I grinned like an idiot. Fuck yeah, I finally did something ninja-like. I was beyond ecstatic. I actually _molded_ my chakra. Like, real life _molded._

Chakra control was strangely easy to me. Obviously, it took nearly a week for a leaf to stick to my head for less than ten seconds, but I enjoyed it. It was like finding a conclusion to a scientific experiment. You **ask** questions: why is it so difficult for me to apply a precise amount of chakra to a certain area? How can I improve my control? You **observe** : my chakra is warm and vibrant inside of me. I can mold chakra by simply imagining or picturing it. You **experiment** : I can't exert ~10% of chakra to my forehead so I'll have to lower the output to ~5%. Okay, that didn't work, so I'll lower it to ~3%. It stuck for a millisecond, but perhaps a little less could work. 2% of chakra is absolutely perfect. You find **a conclusion** : Chakra output is vital to chakra control as well as using your better judgment to decide how much to exert. It's difficult and it'll take a lot of diligence and practice to develop proper perception and discernment, but the recompense is absolutely worth it.

I placed the leaf to my forehead again and pictured my chakra gathering into a cerulean sphere near my forehead, getting trimmed, bit by bit, until it was a diminutive, tiny orb. I imagined it gathering closer and closer beneath my skin, nearly sticking the leaf onto my head, _you can do this, Kotori, just stay focused and concentration, focus on the leaf -_

My door swung open, alarming me. The leaf promptly fell into my lap and I whirled around. Grandmother stood in the doorway, her graying, purple hair pulled into two, frizzy braids, her face scrunched into a scowl and her arms crossed. I couldn't believe I didn't hear her walking to my door. I must have been so focused on my leaf exercise that I completely ignored my other senses.

"What's wrong?" I asked nervously. I gathered myself to my feet.

"What are you _doing_?" she asked, inching closer to me. Before I could speak, she held up a hand. "Don't tell me, I know _exactly_ what you're doing. Are you practicing to be a shinobi?"

I shook my head, surprised she caught on to my activities. "I'm just… molding my chakra."

"I'm not stupid, Kotori-chan. I know what you're doing, and I want to know _why_." her face softened, but she still grimaced. She plopped herself down on my bed and stared at me.

 _No point in lying,_ I thought dejectedly. I looked at her in the eyes, as best as I could, and cleared my throat. "I don't want to be a civilian," I said simply. "I want to be a ninja."

She didn't look surprised. She stared at her hands. "I don't understand. I thought…?"

" _Baa-baa_ , I… I'm very grateful that you thought of my safety and wanted me to go to civilian school, but being a ninja would be beneficial. It's an honor to serve and represent my village, and it's lucrative. I - _we_ \- can afford Mother's cure."

She looked up at me, alarmed. "Kotori-chan, that's not something for you to worry about. I don't _ever_ want you to put yourself on the field and _die_ just because we're poor. Get that out of your head right now. You're only five. Becoming a shinobi is practically a death sentence. Money is something for _us_ to worry about, n-not you!" her words faltered, her voice thick with tears. Droplets glossed her eyes and her bottom lip quivered. "I-It's not your j…"

I moved next to her and grabbed her hand. "Being able to bring money in for the family is a plus," I assured her. "I want to be a ninja because - it's the most honorable job. It's the least I can do to my village and I want to help them out the best way I can."

 _ **(when did you…)**_

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, her cheeks flushing. "Kotori-chan, you're too smart for your own good," she sighed. "I don't want you to get hurt You're only five."

"I'm strong," I replied, puffing out my chest, "look, I can do this cool leaf exercise that only _strong_ ninjas can do." I reached over to the floor, scooped up a leaf, and placed it to my forehead.

I breathed. _In. out._ I pressed it with my pointer finger against my forehead. The imaginative blue spherical figure of chakra formed, getting trimmed inch by inch. _Focus._ It became smaller and smaller. _In. Out._ I imagined it as some type of gluing liquid. I furrowed my eyebrows, shutting my eyes, and _let go._

I opened my eyes to see Grandmother's shocked expression.

( _ **when did you…)**_

Surprise and relief dunked over me like a warm pool of water. I did it. I fucking did it. _I fucking did it -_

"Kotori-chan, you… you…" she lunged forward and embraced me, squeezing me tightly. I caught the leaf before it fell. My cheekbones were aching. I was smiling all night.

"Your mother will be proud and will support you no matter what you do," she murmured into my hair. "I still don't like this ninja business, and I'm a little against it, but I am not your mother. She will support you. I'll watch from the sidelines."

 _In. Out._

 _ **(... when did you get so good at lying?)**_

* * *

 **Author's Note:** My word length goal was 2k, and this chapter hit 3k! I'm really happy!

I give all, absolutely _all_ credit to darklordpotter forums for the descriptions and details on chakra theory. I merely reworded it a bit. Here's the link if you're interested, they discuss the facts/rules about chakra as well as limitations.  . ?t=24035

I really appreciate feedback, and it'd mean the world to me if you all left a little review! It doesn't matter how small, anything makes me happy. I'm very grateful for all the faves & follows. Thank you all! :*


	5. - five -

Jump!

 **Part One: Yellow**

 **Arc I**

Five

 _(silly rabbit, tricks are for kids)_

* * *

With just a little under a month until the first day of school, Grandma and I decided I should notify Mother about my newfound "calling". Coincidentally, after receiving treatment, her health rapidly improved. Obviously, she wasn't free of PTD, but the medication aided in halting imminent tenketsu destruction and stabilized her. For now.

The hospital was a tall and proud building. It was somewhat quiet and tranquil, which was surprising, as I'd assume with shinobis running around and getting injured, the building would be livened with commotion.

The scent of headache inducing mint and paper napkins wafted through the air. Nauseating white walls surrounded us and perfectly polished gray floors squeaked under our footsteps. Grandmother walked up to the counter, smiling kindly.

"Good morning," she greeted benevolently, "how are you? I'm here to see Sorano Hotaru."

The nurse replied with a smile. "Go ahead,"

* * *

My mother's appearance improved tremendously. Dark under eye circles were replaced with blemish free, refreshed skin. Previously cracked, bleeding lips were rejuvenated and smooth. Her white hair recovered its signature shine, and her onyx eyes salvaged a lively sheen. She looked _healthy._ She felt healthy, too. Her chakra _felt_ warm and blooming, like a cut healing from a wound. I could feel her steadfast health. Her chakra appeared as if it were circulating steadily and tentatively. She had recovered so quickly, I wondered if her fainting _that day_ was a dream.

Mother looked up and her eyes met mine. She instantly brightened, a smile tugging on the corner of her lips. She opened her arms, and without a word, I jumped into them. My heartbeat sped up. A lump grew in my throat, and I couldn't even hold back my tears this time. Sobs shook my entire body as I wept into her neck. Her hand caressed my back softly.

"O-Okaa…" I mewled. She cooed softly in my ear.

"Sh, sh… I know, I know." Tears splashed on my back and I finally looked up at her. Her eyes were pooled with tears, a happy smile betraying her feelings.

"I… I missed… you," I said in between hiccups. I wasn't lying this time, either. A month without my mother was like a month without water. The unknown - whether she was gurgling blood or snoozing peacefully - was crippling. It was a miracle my sanity even survived. My mother was my sanctuary; she was a figure of warmth, comfort, and tenderness. She was my rock, and without her, I could barely even survive. It was cheesy to even say, but I never felt this love for anyone.

Don't get me wrong, I love(d) my original mother. She was a hardworking lawyer who busted her ass so we - my siblings and I - could be rotten and spoiled. She was a gorgeous, endearing woman, and I still miss her so, but Hotaru… she was the only figure I saw in the first few days of my arrival in this strange, alien world. She was the first one to emanate love for me. She was the first one to comfort me and shield me from the bitter acts of mother nature. She fed me and enveloped me when I was hungry and cold and crooned soft, melodious Japanese nursery rhymes when I was irritated and sad. I remembered all of this so. I kept these memories, strong and solid, while I'm unable to retain memories of my babyhood with my old mother.

"I'm better now, okay, Kotori-chan?" she cupped my face, peering into my eyes, "I'm okay."

* * *

I wasn't sure how long I spent talking and talking to Mother while Grandma sat on a couch, watching satisfactorily from afar. We discussed everything; I told her about my library expedition, barring my little chakra research, of course. She told me about her treatments, how cute some of the doctors were, the food, and more.

I glanced up at the clock. An hour rolled by and we didn't even realize it. We were so immersed in our reunion. My cheeks were aching; I don't think I stopped smiling once.

"... come to think of it," my mother said, "there's a new chief of medical corps -"

"Ah, Hotaru," Grandma said, rising from her chair. "I'm really glad about the reunion you two had, it touches my heart, but I think… I think Kotori-chan has to tell you something."

I shot her glance. Way to ruin the moment. She was right, though. I couldn't leave without telling her. I just had to rip the bandage off.

"What is it?" Mother furrowed her eyebrows together.

I swallowed thickly, balling my fists. "I… I know it's going to be tough to hear… you might be mad - you know, you might even… yell at me, it's okay, I understand _why_ , we often fear stuff we don't understand or that we're not accustomed with - it's fine, really, but… No offense, but I'm really firm on my decision _and_ I've got my whole life planned out, so it'd be _really_ cool for you to approve and not be pissed. I know parents and kids may not seem eye to eye, it's really normal, but -"

Mother clutched my hands, intertwining our fingers together. "Kotori-chan. _Breathe._ It's okay. I won't be mad. Why would I be mad?" she assured me softly.

I breathed. _In. Out._

I exhaled. "I wish to become a shinobi," I said firmly. My pulse quickened and my throat grew thick. I felt as if my heart would burst.

My mother stared at me quietly, not saying a word. She looked… confused? Scared? Neutral? Did a fleck of silent anger flash across her face?

There was an awkward silence. The only sounds I heard were crooning birds outside and my heart beating erratically in my ribcage.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she spoke. "... Is this what you truly want?"

I nodded quickly. "I… I thought about this for a while. I checked out a lot of books about chakra theory, and then on basic chakra, and I even manipulated my chaka. I could do this leaf exer - well, you stick a leaf onto your forehead with your chakra," I rambled. I breathed in deeply. "Basically, Kaachan, is that I _don't_ want to be a civilian. I want to help people."

"Why not become a medic nin?" she suggested, "it's not as perilous as being a shinobi. Kotori-chan, you're only five. How… how can you _possibly_ know what you want? How do they expect _children_ to know whether or not they'd rather be a simple fisherman or a murdering machine, expecting to kill anyone at the snap of the government's fingers? They glamorize becoming a ninja, saying how 'fun' and 'honorable' it is to their village, but they're just taking you away from us," her voice quavered. "You're only five." she repeated quietly.

I stared at our interwoven hands. _Technically, I'm twenty three,_ I thought.

"I know what I want, Okaasan," I told her. "I'm strong. I won't die, and… and you won't either. We'll fight together, okay?" I held up our hands, and tears welled in her eyes again.

"Ah, Kotori-chan," she whispered, her voice thick with tears, "you're… you're creepily smart, you know?" she sighed, petting my hair. She thought for a moment.

"Okay. How about this? One year in Ninja Academy. If I see you… if I see you becoming different -"

"Different how?"

She held up a hand. "-different like becoming… I dunno, drained and losing your child joy, I'm pulling you out. If you feel like you can't handle it, tell me, and I'll pull you out. If your grades are piss poor, you're skipping, and you're becoming a smug brat, I'm _pulling you out_. Do you understand, Kotori-chan?"

I nodded eagerly. That seemed fair enough. It gave me even more motivation to excel in my studies. Back when I was Amelia, I did fairly good as a student who had volleyball practice nearly every night and taking honors classes. I was confident I could be at the top of the class.

My heart was overwhelmed with happiness. My mother was… _**okay.**_ I was going to Ninja Academy and learn more about chakra.

I hugged her once more.

She sighed. "This is what we get for living in a shinobi village, eh?"

* * *

Mother came home a week after that. We signed up for the Academy, which was a smooth, but awkward process.

For some odd reason, I can't help but theorize that shinobis look down upon civilian families. Perhaps they're seen as weaker, which to some extent, can be true. Civilian-born students are most likely ignorant, uninformed, and generally more awkward than ninja-born students. That doesn't account for orphans, though. Wouldn't they be just as inexperienced and clunky as a civilian?

I was new to the shinobi culture, so I wasn't too sure. It seemed as if there weren't many requisites to be enrolled in the Academy. Tuition was required, but it was around the same price as civilian school, if not slightly more expensive. I winced when Mother took a look at the tuition cost and her face fell, but she quickly concealed it with a saccharine smile. Consent forms were required to be signed by an adult, acknowledging that your student may be injured, may not graduate, and such. My mother frowned at the 'injured' portions, but Chūnin passing out forms quickly assured her.

"The students, during their education, will spar with one another and practice with weapons. Students may return home with a few scratches, but nothing severe."

This didn't assure her at all.

After ten minutes of registration, Mother took me to finish purchasing my supplies. I was able to buy a new yukata, shoes, and a shirt. The treatment expenses for Mother's illness drained my grandmother.

"Soon, Kotori-chan, you'll be a full fledged ninja," she sighed as we walked to our house. "It scares me. You'll be _killing_ people. I know, I know, for a good cause, but… it still scares me. That chips away at people's sanities and humanities, you know?"

I bit at my bottom lip.

 **(** _ **Don't worry, after years of desensitization, brainwashing, and indoctrination, your humanity will be long gone before you get your hands on a kunai!…)**_

I smiled. "Kaachan, who do you think I am? I won't be a monster," I promised. I held out my pinky.

Her eyes lightened up and she sniffed. "Ah, you're too much," she said softly, and interlaced our pinkies together.

"I promise."

* * *

Remember the night before your freshman year of high school? Most people were pacing around, heart in their throats and pulse pummeling. Hands were probably sweaty and clammy and you probably laughed in your mother's face when she demanded that you sleep at nine o'clock for a good "eight hours of sleep".

Yeah. Now imagine that, and multiply it by a _million_.

I tried to eat, but the sticky rice felt slimy down my throat. I tried sleeping but my body shook of any signs of sleep effortlessly. I was going to _the Academy._ A school where I'll be taught a thousand ways to kill a man, how to throw a shuriken with precision, hand seals, chakra, and _more._ I would be exposed to false propaganda and pride in your village.

It was like high school. I'm being taught how to be a productive, _honorable_ member of society. Good girl, Sally, you want to go to college and become a smart lawyer and pay taxes? Now nod, Sally, good girl. Good boy, Hiroto, you'll become a shiny trinket that the village could flaunt and dangle around with pride? Now nod, Hiroto - _good boy_.

It was so peculiar. I'm actually going. That simple thought deprived my body of sleep. I stayed up, the moon and stars as my company. I was scared. I'm a twenty-something year old American chick parading as a _five_ year old. Would they notice something odd about me? How do five year olds even act? How do Japanese five year olds act? How do _Konoha_ five year olds act?

I wasn't sure about interacting with the students. These were _actual_ children. They would have child mentalities, no matter how much brainwashing they endure. Would I be able to lower myself down to their intellectual level, no offense? How could I even fathom befriending a five year old? It felt terribly childish. Was even having friends necessary?

I pulled out my notes and looked at my checklist.

 **Checklist For Me to Do:**

✔ learn the language

→ father? where are you?

✔learn what timeline i'm in

✔decide what i'll do with my life (civilian? ninja?)

→ **try not to die**

→ don't fuck up canon

✔attend school

I was satisfied. I completed nearly every single thing off my checklist. Now _that's_ how you be productive in only five years.

I still had much more to do. I needed to learn about chakra - fast. I had to catch up with those clan brats and the kids with ninja parents, because most likely, they had practice every day. In fact, the clan kids probably were practicing chakra since they were… fuck, one?

Suddenly, I didn't feel so smug anymore. Those kids… they were in a whole 'nother league. They had stern clan parents and strenuous exercises. They probably already had weapons training and chakra molding practices. And what did _I_ accomplish? How to stick a fucking leaf to my forehead?

I had to catch up. I couldn't do nothing with my - figurative - dick in my hand. I had to practice if I wanted to get stronger. Civilian brats were predisposed to be inferior than their peers with shinobi families. I'd have to work even _harder._

I breathed carefully. _Calm down,_ I told myself, _what can I do at three AM? I'll have to start my journey to strength tomorrow. Go to sleep and shut up._

Sleep was beginning to weigh down my eyelids, anyway. I took one last look at the large, ivory moon and lay my head down.

 _I guess I can finally understand Rock Lee's whole speech about hard work versus effort, right?_

* * *

With heavy eyes and a nervous stomach, I walked hand in hand with my family to the Academy. I felt nervous. The sounds of chorusing birds signified that it was indeed dawn, and the sun began to just rise over the whimsical clouds. The ode of birds just sounded grating to my ears and the soft, gentle breeze of wind made my skin itch. My head was aching like a motherfucker; it was as if someone whipped the back of my skull with a baseball bat, no doubt from my sleep deprivation. I was undoubtedly anxious.

I saw a fellow civilian being walked to school as well. She looked excited while I felt sick. Her saccharine, sweet joy made me even sicker.

* * *

My family gave me a wet kiss, a hug, and a quick wave before leaving. I was _alone._ I wanted to tell them to stay, to linger a little longer and give me one last speck of comfort, but they were gone.

My pulse accelerated as I took more steps inside. The paper Mother received from registration dictated I would be in Class **5B**. My hands got clammy as I advanced, passing 1-4, A-C.

My mouth went dry as soon as I saw the classroom door with the sequence **5-B** etched near it. My fingers trembled.

 _ **(why are you afraid?)**_

Oh, I've got to buck up already. I pinched my quivering hand hard and squeezed my eyes shut. I'm _twenty-three._ The big two and the big three. I'm a fucking adult. I can't pussy out of this. I'm sure I could handle a group of five or six year old chumps and a teacher who is around my age. I'm an adult.

 _ **(why are you afraid?)**_

I clutched my paper, softened with my sweat, and entered the classroom.

 _ **(... the fear of being taught how to shed your humanity is quite crippling and slip on a skin of cool apathy was petrifying, isn't it?)**_

* * *

Ninja Academy wasn't too shabby, it turns out.

* * *

The day consisted of my sensei's hasty introduction, a tour of the school as well as the sparring area, and we began our first chapter in chakra theory. The Academy's curriculum seems fast paced; you don't get it? You'll get left behind. It's an unspoken expectation that students practice vigorously at home. They expect families to help train you. Oh, sorry, your family consists of boring civilians? Sucks, haul your ass to the library, learn, and practice vigorously at home. We also got a sneak peek at what we'll be learning. I was slightly surprised and pleased to find out that we'd be taught the basics; science, mathematics, geography, history, language arts, the like. I've been through that before. I'm positive I won't slack.

Additionally, we'll be expected to comprehend the shinobi rules. We'll be taught on fortifying our minds and bodies, weapon care and handling, basics of hand seals, trap setting, and more. We'll cover extensive knowledge in the year. Furthermore, on a thrice weekly basis we'll focus on taijutsu and once a week sparring.

The teacher was a pretty Chuunin named Yoshida Kou. Waves of golden locks were pulled into a practical ponytail and she even made the green, heavy chuunin vests look attractive. Muscles delicately framed her short figure and she displayed her abs confidently with a midriff friendly top. Her voice was soft and whimsical. I was a bit surprised at her relaxed language, though. Her vocabulary was littered with curse words and slang.

The interaction of students during lunch break was… awkward, to say the least. I felt odd conversing with a younger child. They were all so adorable and cute. A few were nervous and eager to make friends, and _fuck_ I forgot how loud brats are. Adorable and cute? Of course! But boisterous and high strung? Yep.

Needless to say, it seemed as if I wasn't going to make friends on the first day. That's quite alright. I didn't see the need to and I didn't feel bad. I ate my lunch by myself in a corner while I quietly observed the rest of the kids introduce each other. My head still throbbed but I had gotten accustomed to the pain. I'd get some pills from my mother's medicine cabinet to ease the discomfort, anyway. Loud laughs and blinding smiles filled the room. My heart grew for them. I wondered how many of us would actually make it to the shinobi lifestyle? I sadly pondered when their genuine, joyful smiles will be darkened to apathetic facial expressions and their beaming personalities dulled like a tool. I didn't want to think about it. How was any of this slightly moral?

 _Well, you are contributing to the problem_ , I thought bitterly. I finished off my food and got up to return to my seat, before a young girl popped up in front of me.

She looked basic and cute. Flushed cheeks adorned her tan skin. Long brown hair was pulled into two pigtails. Two large, chocolate eyes blinked expectantly at me.

"Hi!" she said. "I saw you eating alone."

I nodded. _Well, that's obvious._

"Yeah," I replied. An awkward silence passed between us, but her smile didn't falter. Why didn't little kids recognize an uncomfortable pause?

"What's your name?" she asked me.

"Sorano Kotori," I murmured, pushing in the seat. I slipped my bento box into my bag carefully.

"I'm -"

"-that was a nice lunch break everyone, ne? Please return back to your seats!" Kou called out, clapping her hands.

I flashed the young brunette an apologetic look and returned to my seat. I had picked a seat in the front; I wanted to absorb all the material as efficiently as possible without any possible distractions. Using my biased judgment, it seemed that the 'mischievous' kids - messy hair, twinkling eyes, a playful smirk - were seat in the back.

We continued our remaining studies: an introduction to hand seals.

* * *

The school bell finally rung, signifying the end of our first school day. It seemed achingly long; nine hours of education seemed tiring, but it was quite interesting. I spent most of the day silently observing my "peers". They appeared… interesting. They were only five but their personalities appeared to be already fleshed out. On the first day, they latched onto each other. They saw whoever looked the coolest, nicest, smartest - whatever, and attached themselves to each other. It was quite the phenomenon and fast children can make friends.

I shuffled out the classroom like the rest of my peers. I waited outside, balancing myself on my tip toes and craning my neck to see the contrasting white hair of my mother in the sea of browns, blacks, and dark purples.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting to see my family, but instead peered into the face of the familiar pig-tailed girl.

"Bye, Kotori-chan," she said, waving. I returned with a silent wave and a smile.

She bounced into the arms of an elderly woman who I assumed to be her grandmother.

"Tenten-chan!" the geriatric chirped, "how was your day?"

I froze in my spot. _Tenten? As in…_ **Team Gai** _Tenten?_ My heart dropped and I covered my mouth in theatrical shock.

Well. _Fuck_.

* * *

Mother agreed to take me to the library when she picked me up. I borrowed three books concerning chakra molding and work outs.

I was well versed in physical activity; I was a volleyball athlete on our school's revered and formidable volleyball team. We were educated on proper diets, workout routines, amping up our stamina, such and such. I made a mental note to map out my workout plan; we didn't have quite enough money for weights, as my mother's medication and my tuition were taking a toll on our finances, so I'd have to make do with heavy household items. Watermelons, bags of rice, gallons of water, baskets of fruits. These things could, somewhat, substitute weights. Once I needed to increase the mass, I would have to figure out a way to get my hands on _real_ weights.

I should begin jogging. That can help boost my little stamina. I would like to do it every morning, barring weekends. I should start next week - right now, I'm still getting accustomed to this whole 'ninja thing'.

Surprisingly, I wasn't overwhelmed by the stark difference of training in this world versus mine. I was used to strenuous exercise and training, although to a lesser extent. My will was strong and solid, but I wasn't sure my child body could keep up. Well, it has no choice.

After reading a few more chapters of my new book, I decided to call it a night. My eyes were growing hefty. A yawn escaped my throat. I closed the book, turned on my side, and began to feel my consciousness slipping away.

* * *

I've grown accustomed to school. I'd wake up at 5 AM, drag myself to the Academy, sit, and learn. It was pretty fun, except for the raging headaches. I was stumped; although I had began easing into my original sleep cycle and getting the recommended seven hours of sleep, I still suffered from migraines, all from subtly annoying to _Holy-fucking-shit, someone just rip open my skull and scoop out my fucking brain so I don't have to feel this shit anymore._ Yeah. It's beginning to pose a problem. To avoid a tedious - and unnecessarily expensive - doctor's appointment, I slipped into my mother's medicine cabinet, grabbed the familiar crimson pain killers, and chased those little buggers with a glass of water. Boom, pain was gone for a few hours. My headaches exacerbated whenever we practiced ninjutsu. We were slowly dabbling into chakra molding and learning hand seals. Practicing the leaf exercise or expelling chakra amped up my pain. I figured it was chakra augmenting the discomfort and put it to the back of my mind - no pun intended.

We didn't start sparring until the third week. I've been growing anxiety about sparring with another and embarrassing myself. I knew I appeared weak, and I predicted some overly confident dipshit would wipe the floor with my ass and a few other dipshits would snigger. Somehow, knowing that it was only six year olds laughing at my humiliation made me feel a bit better. _Only_ six year olds.

We went over the basics: no hard feelings, it's only practice, if you want to talk to sensei, you can after class is over, don't forget the Seal of Confrontation and Seal of Reconciliation, good luck, and _begin!_

The first pair called up were two girls. They tried to plaster a firm, serious look on their faces but their chubby cheeks and big heads made them look lovable.

The blonde girl began by lunging at the brunette. The brunette staggered back and avoided the kick. She balled her chubby fists, her arm trembling, and dove in. Childlike squeaks, pants, and grunts livened the spar. Spectators' reactions varied; most were nervously shifting their feet, some were yelling in excitement, and others were silently watching.

The fight finally ended when they wrestled each other in the dirt, yanking on each other's hair. One of them - the blonde, who was under the brunette's knee - yelled, "I give up! Let me go!"

They formed the Seal of Reconciliation, dusted themselves off, and crossed their arms indignantly as they stood on opposing sides.

Something didn't quite feel right. I took a good look at Class 5-B, standing around eagerly - or anxiously - waiting for their names to be called as they listened to Kou-sensei's review of the girls' spar. They didn't look… _noticeable_. No white-eyed Hyuugas or onyx eyed Uchihas. There weren't any ferocious Inuzukas or even subdued Aburames crawling with bugs. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. All of us were either civilians or orphans. None of us had remotely noticeable surnames.

" _Hina-chan, when fighting, try not to breathe out your mouth. Breathe through your nose slowly. This helps to properly circulate blood and chakra as well as revitalizing your strength and tranquilizing your senses, OK?"_

In fact, if I remember correctly from our hasty introductions, _none_ of us were from clans. Whenever my peers discussed their families, they were presumably civilians or dead. "Papa is a fisherman so I always eat fish!", "The orphanage director told me Mama would've loved my drawings. I wish she was here", shit like that.

I wondered if the Academy did this deliberately; filtered the plain, inexperienced kids from the refined clan kids. Were they intentionally placed into a different class, isolated from the rest of us dweebs? Did the village fear we weren't on the same intellectual and physical level as them? Did they have greater potential and having us educated in the same class would just lower it? Were we _losers_ in the village's eyes, already written off to fail the Graduation exam and become flops?

" _Mei-chan, when you want to block a punch, rather than ducking awkwardly - which expends more energy and slightly wastes your precious stamina - why don't you form your arms into an 'X' so it can take the beating. Like this…"_

My skin itched with anger and envy. Was I not _good_ enough for the village? Was I being set up to fail, or perhaps set up to work twice as hard? I dug my nails into my fists. This was fucking _bullshit._ Absolute _bull_ shit. I clenched my jaw and took another look. These kids - they didn't even _know_. They didn't even know that they were simply being used as tools - _Hey, look, this can be you! You too can be a cool, badass ninja!_ Just give us monthly tuition and work super hard, and maybe you can be the sidekick in someone else's story!

When they fail, they experience disappointment and a crushing sense of insecurity. _I'm not good enough_ , they probably think. _I failed and I'm not cut out for this job_. They return to their depressing lives as civilians, deciding to become a chef or a farmer or _whatever the fuck civilians do_ , while they bitterly and enviously watch their "cool peers" return home with battle scars and endless praise and money.

 _ **(silly Kotori…)**_

Who else knew about this? Who else knew about this system set up to make _ordinary_ kids work just as hard to keep up with their stronger peers? Who else approved of this system and thought this was good?

I stared down at my toes, my fists trembling. I felt like crying out of anger. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to scream, I wanted to _choke and sob_ and let out my anger.

 _ **(... silly Kotori)**_

"Sorano Kotori and Saitō Hikari, please move to the sparring center," Kou-sensei chirped.

I looked up. I felt my heart was going to rip out of my chest. I began to walk over, but someone grabbed my hand.

 **(... didn't you know you weren't good enough from the start?)**

"Good luck, Kotori-chan," Tenten said kindly, flashing me a warm smile. I stared at her the nodded slowly. "Ah, thanks," I murmured.

...

 _Tenten. How the fuck am I so stupid?_

…

I froze.

"Kotori-chan, please step up to the center," Kou-sensei repeated politely. I nodded, took one last look at Tenten, then met my opponent.

Hikari was a pretty young girl with long black hair billowing down her back and copper eyes. She had a stern look on her face. We didn't exchange words. My mind was racing as we traded seals.

 _Tenten was in Team Gai, right? Is it possible for a Class 5-B kid to get transferred?_ Tenten was considered fairly strong, if I remembered correctly. I wondered if she excelled which reinforced her potential and eligibility to be in the same class as the other children.

My anger faded away as motivation rushed in. _I could actually make it,_ I thought enthusiastically. I didn't have to be weighed down by chains and stereotypes. If I just put in the work -

" _Begin_!"

Hikari rushed in with a balled fist. Fear enveloped me. My first instinct was to duck, but I couldn't decide up or down. I decided to jump back after a quick second. Hikari was slow and clumsy like most preschoolers. _Remember, Kotori: you aren't five. Your body may be, but you aren't. Mind over matter. You can win this. You have to get out of this class._

All I have to do is win this. Show Kou-sensei that I'm worthy.

I felt weird having to punch a six year old, but I got over it pretty quickly. I mean, _technically_ , I'm five, right?

Leaves dusted our feet as we danced, maneuvering her punches and kicks. My heart was thumping excitedly in my ears and I felt like my throat would burst. Adrenaline pumped through my veins like a drug. I flexed my fingers, and after jumping away a few feet, I balled my fists. I created distance. This is good, right? Hikari whirled around, her feet swiveling in the sand and faced me, diving in. Her cute face was scrunched into a determined grimace. My heart dropped.

 _Sorry, little one._

Burying my conscious in the back of my mind, I lunged at her. I thrusted my feet at her knees. My sandals connected with bone. Her eyes were fixated on my arms, anticipating to block it. She didn't expect it; she stumbled and crumpled to the floor with a cry. I bit my lip in sympathy.

 _Fuck, I gotta do this._ Before she could scramble to her feet, I threw my leg at her. My shin met her wide-eyed face, and she collapsed, her cheeks meeting the warm sand. A choked out moan of pain escaped her and I backed up, panting.

 _That was fucking…_

 _..._ _ **exhilarating**_ _._ Every single pound of my heartbeat rang through my ears. My face prickled. I was sweating and panting for breath, adrenaline rushing through my veins. I felt amped up, like I just won a volleyball game.

I did, didn't I? I won a game. I fucking won.

I knew I shouldn't be so happy beating a six year old, but I felt so satisfied. I moved my hand to my heart. I was on top of the world. I was riding on a high.

That high soon ended when Kou-sensei called up the next pair, and my peers weren't focused on me anymore. Kou-sensei moved to help Hikari to her feet, who glowered at me with red-hot anger in between winces. Her lip was cracked with blood and her pale cheeks were pretty scratched up. Guilt tugged at my heartstrings but I tried to shrug it off. We're training to be ninjas, what did you expect? One of us had to lose, and it happened to be you. Big deal.

I hugged myself as I melted into the crowd once more. Kou-sensei was writing something down. She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. We stared at each other. Was that good enough? Was she impressed?

"Good job," Tenten whispered in my ear, smiling.

I broke my staring contest with my teacher and smiled back at her for once. "Thanks."

* * *

I was still stuck in a stupor throughout the day. I was relaying my fight. _Punch -_ _ **dodge**_ _\- lunge -_ _**jump!**_ _-_ _ **kick, kick**_. My stomach twirled whenever I thought about kicking her in the face. It wasn't so much that I harmed her but it was that I _won_. I actually won. I've never gotten to fights at school. Sure, here and there I had beef with some girls that threatened to erupt into physical confrontations, but I always weaseled my way out of that. I actually exchanged fists with another and I _won._

The bell rang, snapping me out of my reverie. Kids shuffled out excitedly. I stayed behind, slowly gathering my things. I wanted to talk to Kou sensei.

"Kou-sensei?" I said, grabbing her attention. She turned from erasing the chalkboard. She smiled and put the chalk down.

"What's up, Kotori-chan?"

I bit on my bottom lip in thought. Where do I start? Why are we ostracized from the "promising" kids, pointers on improving my taijutsu, where to find a place to rent weights - it was all jumbled.

I decided on the former.

"I've… I've noticed something about this class," I began hesitantly. I stared at her desk, sorting my thoughts out. Her half-opened bento box indicated she was planning to stay behind and eat while working extra hours. Papers riddled her desks and a clipboard with stacks of paper was perched neatly in the corner. Her desk was a mess.

"Well? What is it?" she asked, tilting her head. She followed my trail of sight and blushed. "Sorry, it's a mess. I have a ton of work to do -" she quickly gathered papers into a stack blindly.

"It's okay, Kou-sensei. I've noticed something about this class - I'm not sure if I'm paranoid, or over thinking, or just insecure, but I see that there aren't any notable clansmen in this class. Most of us are 'incompetent' civilian-born children or orphans with no shinobi experience. Why is that?"

Something flashed across her face. I couldn't decipher it. Shock? Surprise? Bitterness? _Oh shit, one of the kids figured out the system, abort, abort_?

"Ah, Kotori-chan, you're... sharp, but not the first one to realize it," she said. She plopped down on her chair and shifted some papers again to make space. She tucked a blonde strand behind her ear and pursed her lips.

"Before I start, I want to ask: how'd you find out?"

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I just observed my classmates. Most, if not every single one of us, aren't apart of a shinobi clan, right? I mean, I'm not too sure, but… I just theorized that you guys put us into separate classes."

Kou gazed up at the ceiling in thought and hummed. "Mm, you're more or less right. Why do you _think_ we put you in separate classes?"

I contemplated this. Back in my old world, students were separated into different classes depending on how much rigor they can endure. Lower testing students were put into other classes, and higher testing students were put into advanced, honors, international baccalaureate, or AP. It was mainly, at least in my opinion, to keep the curriculum fast pacing. Higher achieving students can keep up with the fast pace and workload while ensuring their success. Interacting with students at the same level as you can boost your productivity.

Kou was peering at me in interest. I blinked owlishly. "Perhaps it's because the other children have more experience? Aren't clan kids taught about chakra, hand seals, and exercise at a younger age than we are? They're more experienced, so they're automatically put into a different class to interact with _other_ experienced children. I'm guessing this heightens their productivity, and maybe this is a stretch, but keeps inter-clan relations going? Students of differing clans are able to make friends with one another this way, no?"

She gawked at me in astonishment. "You're… you're more or less right," she repeated. "Civilians need a different curriculum and approach. You probably aren't well versed in shinobi culture, rules, or chakra. Clan kids are immersed in this culture at birth and are at a higher level. They understand death and the expectations of a Konoha shinobi. _You_ kids see strong shinobi, praise, and money - you admire them and envy the attention they get from the village.

"Occasionally, _some_ kids from the 'beginner classes' move up and are in the same classes as advanced children and are able to keep up with them. Occasionally. The 'inter-clan relationships' aren't part of our intentions, but it occurs frequently and is a benefit. Do you understand?"

I frowned. "So, you're setting us up for failure?" I said nastily. "That's not giving us a chance. That's… that's tossing us to the side like ragdolls carelessly while you prepare the 'advanced' kids for a better and more successful futures. We're being set up to be failures and weaklings, and if by chance we _do_ manage to work our butts off and make it into a genin team, we're always significantly weaker than our team members!" I thought back to Tenten and Sakura. My fists clenched. "It's not _fair_."

Kou had a sympathetic look in her eyes that made my skin crawl. I wanted to peel that pitiful look off her face.

"Kotori-chan," she began delicately. "Hard work is essential to thrive in the shinobi world. You've got to get used to it. It isn't fair - really, it isn't. You think life is unfair now and the 'system's out to get you'? You barely scratched the surface." Kou uncapped her water bottle and took a swig. She swallowed harshly and sighed.

"I came from a shinobi household, so I may not be able to empathize wholly. My teammate, however, was raised in an orphanage. She's one of the most badass kunoichis I _know_. Working hard is pivotal to becoming a ninja - especially for us kunoichis."

 _Bullshit._

I clenched my jaw but bit my tongue. A pregnant pause passed.

"My mother must be worried," I murmured. "I'll see you next week, Kou-sensei." I traipsed out the cool classroom, Kou's azure eyes burning at the back of my skull.

Outside, Mother was one of the few remaining. She was crossing her arms and craning her neck. When she saw me, she lunged at me and wrapped me in a hug.

"Damn it, Kotori-chan, don't _do_ that!" she cried out, "I thought one of the kids went crazy and killed you or something."

"Sorry," I apologized, "I had to talk with my teacher about something."

I decided not to tell her. I knew she'd overreact and pull met out. She's itching for any little chance to yank me out the program, and I couldn't have that. I felt a little deflated after Kou confirmed my thoughts, but motivation lingered. Sakura and Tenten were moved to the "advanced" classes. I'm sure I could do it, too. I just had to get out of 5-B.

 _ **(... didn't you know you weren't good enough from the start?)**_


	6. - six -

JUmp!

 **Part 1: Yellow**

 **Arc 1**

Six

* * *

Kunoichi classes began shortly after the Academy kicked in. It was mandatory for all aspiring kunoichis to attend. There weren't much female ninjas in the field compared to men, so I suspect the classes helped girls bond with each other. The courses included ikebana, or flower arrangement, flower pressing, and detecting poisonous plants. Sewing garments, using plants to hide, etiquette lessons, and civilian or royal mannerism detections were included in the program as well. Additionally, it reinforced "girlhood" or some shit like that.

I found it very odd and tedious, but knowing which plants were poisonous and how to appear feminine for espionage missions were admittedly useful.

The teacher was a tall and slim woman. Intricate curls cascaded down her back and glasses reflected her glinting hazel eyes. She was a soft spoken woman with pretty lilac eyes and glossy lips. I thought she was very pretty. Her voice was fucking grating, though. It was a nauseating mixture between a voice-when-you-have-a-stuffy-nose and a weirdly high-pitched-voice-that-could-blend-in-with-the-My-Little-Pony-cast. Every time she shrieked and squealed at a child's flower arrangement, I felt like glass was being shoved in my ear canals.

After being in class for nearly ten hours with a bunch of five year olds and then being in _another_ class with a bunch of childish girls frolicking in the gardens, a migraine was beginning to form. No, it wasn't the subtle migraine I suffered from whenever I molded my chakra. It was the type of migraine that only a glass of wine and a good four hour nap can cure. I could only take these kids in small portions, and it appears I've overdosed. I decided to do what I do best when being in this peculiar, headache inducing environment: mind my own business and observe in the shadows.

After making it clear that I wouldn't put in any effort of becoming friends with my peers, I was soon alienated. Bullying didn't occur, but I received odd glances and furrowed eyebrows. I bemusedly wondered if they thought I was a freak. I was, wasn't I? I mean, who wouldn't be particularly creeped out by a tiny, white-haired brat staring at them silently and not making any efforts to be friendly?

It didn't matter to me. I just couldn't bring myself to befriending one of them. I'm an adult, for crying out loud!

I'm not going to lie, though; being alone _sometimes_ gets exhausting. I've always been a social person before my death. I hung out with people almost daily and fed off of their energy. I recharged at social interactions. I sort of missed that energizing feeling of socializing and smiling until your cheeks ached; I missed sleeping over my friend's houses and waking up to empty Domino's pizza boxes littered around the room and half-drunken beer bottles. I missed yelling " _shotgun!"_ , hopping in the car, and cruising throughout the city with our music blasting at a deafening high. I _missed it_. Now, all I do is eat my sticky rice and grilled fish, sit in a corner, and watch kids laugh, giggle, and occasionally throw me a frown or scowl when they catch me staring.

I sighed as my kunoichi class teacher, Aiko, dismissed us, yanking me out of my somber thoughts. I couldn't think about the past now. Whenever I did, a heavy rock fell on my back and kept me down the rest of the day. It made me depressed, nostalgic, and sad.

I grabbed my bento box and was ready to go home, before I was stopped by a large hand on my tiny shoulder.

I turned around slowly. Aiko was hovering over me. Her eyebrows were knitted together, worry etched across her face.

Azaleas and peonies swirled gently around the now empty garden. Aiko's lavender perfume made my nose itch. I wanted to go home. I was walking alone today and I wanted to go check out some weights.

"Kotori-chan," she said, "could you wait please?"

"Of course, Aiko-sensei," I replied obediently. _What could she possibly want_? I raked through my mind, wondering why she specifically stopped _me_. I have been the quietest student ever - I haven't caused any trouble and I'm sure none of the students have a _problem_ with me.

"It's truly none of my business, but I've been worried about you," she said, tucking a frizzy curl behind her ear. "You've been awfully quiet and rejected other children's social advances. You've ostracized and alienated yourself from social interactions as well. You rarely speak unless I'm calling attendance. I'm… worried."

I frowned. _This_ is why I'm called? Because I'm… I'm _too_ quiet? Well, okay then. I thought shinobis didn't care about this sort of thing. They were a little too infatuated with child prodigies, but I wasn't one. I was average in taijutsu so far, average in ninjutsu, and while we haven't covered genjutsu, I'm sure I'll do well in that aspect as well.

"I'm just not an extrovert," I told her, my words drenched with lies. I gave her a toothy smile and decided to add in a shot of honesty. "I don't relate with my peers. I don't mind it, really. Is there a problem? I don't cause any strifes or bullying."

She frowned. "No, not necessarily, but this class is about… making friends, and such… it's almost like you're _failing_ that aspect."

I crossed my arms. "Aiko-sensei, with all due respect, I'm more focused on gaining my strength to be on par with the _other_ children than making friends. I'm just an awkward person. May I be excused, please?" I was aware my tone was on the rude side, but I was growing impatient with Aiko.

Aiko stared at me with a mysterious look. "I… Yes, you may go. Class will resume next week."

I nodded, bowed, and whirled around on my heel.

"But, remember, dear: physical strength is only one dimensional. What is strength when you can't use it to protect people?"

I marched out.

* * *

I had a day off from the Academy, so I decided to begin my training. I woke up at around five AM and began stretching. Memories of pre-workouts in the gymnasium were fresh in my mind; the sound of squeaking sneakers sliding against the polished floor, the satisfied grunts coming from my teammates, the scent of basketball and gum itching my nose. It was all so fresh, like it was yesterday. _It's been five years since my death_ , I realized. I frowned and wondered how my family was doing. Have they reluctantly moved on? Has my father turned to alcoholism? Did my sister become depressed and took up drugs? Did my friends give up their dreams in depression?

I sort of still believed this was all a dream. I would die in this world, stabbed by another ninja, and flutter my eyelids and see my mother's worried face. Perhaps I was in a coma? Maybe all of this is just a split second dream and I was retrieved from the gnashing waters? Maybe a cute lifeguard gave me CPR and saved my life and I'll see him hovering over me when I awoke?

I grimaced and slipped on my sandals. _You know it isn't true,_ I thought roughly, _stop deluding yourself. You died. You left your family behind. Maybe if you just swam - why didn't you_ _ **SWIM**_ _?_

Tears stung my eyes. Stupid. _Stupid, stupid._ Thinking about my death left me in a frenzy. I harshly rubbed my eyes until they were red and aching and bit my bottom lip hard. I need to buck the fuck up. I pushed the whispering thoughts away in the back of my mind _**(... you could've swam, swim, swim, why didn't you just -**_ ) and rose. The house was quiet, save for my grandmother's loud snoring.

I began my stretches, and after about fifteen minutes, I was raring to go.

I quietly slipped out the house. The sun was still lurking behind the glowing moon and scintillating stars. A comforting breeze circulated throughout the village. I breathed in the fresh air. This was one thing I liked about this world - little to no pollution. The stars were bright and confident; the air was sweet and pure, and the plants burgeoned fruitfully. Mother nature was _truly_ beautiful and breathtaking.

I began jogging at a slow pace. I noticed that the village was never truly empty. In the crack of dawn, it bustled with shinobi; ninjas returning from their missions or departing _to_ their missions, ninjas socializing with one another, Chuunin patrolling the walls, etc. They were like owls - they disappeared in the day and were alert at night.

The air bit at my throat and my heart pumped excitedly with blood. My long hair whipped in my face, clinging to my mouth. I made a mental note to cut it or pull it back into a bun or ponytail - it was impractical for me to keep my hair long, especially as a kunoichi. It felt good to get out and stretch my legs. Sitting with my legs crossed frequently made me feel immobile.

I had no specific direction, but I found myself stopping before a health store. I peered inside. It was closed - wouldn't be open for another two hours - but it was lit inside. Body weights and dumbbells shelved the store. Supplements, ration bars, and vitamins were stacked on top of each other. Workout mats were rolled into the corner, and protein powders and shakes were presented proudly in front of the counter.

My breath caught in my throat. I felt my stomach flutter with excitement. I placed my hand on the transparent glass, staring into the store. _It's gorgeous._ I haven't gotten my hand on dumbbells in a while, and I never experimented with leg weights. My fingers twitched with excitement. It's like _Christmas_.

My eyes falled to the price tag. The amount of ryos made me want to cry. All Grandma's money was going towards Mother's treatment and my tuition.

I chewed on my bottom lip and turned away. _Some day_ , I told myself, and continued my jog.

* * *

My days soon became mundane. School was a routine and it was horrifically more boring when you had no one to talk to. I'd bunch up in the corner and take notes while Kou taught. Sometimes I'd sneak my fingers in my pocket and eat some sweets mother left me. I'm sure Kou noticed, but she didn't say anything. It was a comforting routine, despite how boring it was. I was used to it. I did morning jogging before school, which caused me to be sleepy during class. After school a few hours before bed, I'd do some workouts; stretch and increase my flexibility, and begin pushups. The need for weights was growing rapidly.

After a few months in school, we began delving into genjutsu. I was particularly intrigued by it. I was still deciding on what I should focus on and developing my main fighting weapon. Perhaps genjutsu could be one of them? Genjutsu was interesting and didn't use as much chakra as ninjutsu did. I thought it was a fascinating way to incapacitate an opponent. It wasn't bloody and didn't require much physical contact. While one can suffer from irreparable brain damage from formidable and powerful genjutsus, it was rare for one to _die_ from it. The human brain was frail but we relied on it greatly. It was the most nonviolent way to kill someone.

After studying genjutsus - the basics, like where it affects, how it can affect you, dangers, etcetera - we began learning how to dispel one.

Kou prefaced the lecture by clearing the chalkboard with her eraser and quickly organizing her desk. After clearing everything away, she looked up at us.

"I will perform a basic genjutsu. It's nonviolent. I will perform this four more times. I expect you all to remain vigilant. The first time, it's acceptable for you all to be lulled. For the rest of the demonstrations, I want you to notice subtle signs that indicate that this is a false reality. For the final genjutsu, I want you to attempt to dispel it. OK?"

We all chorused in agreement. I braced myself for impact. She made a couple of handsigns, and then… nothing.

Huh. Got my hopes up for nothing. Pain in my head began to grow. I didn't have time for another headache, and I pushed the discomfort to the back of my mind - no pun intended. Really.

I looked around. _What was going on? Did she dispel it?_

My mouth grew dry. I took a look around the children, who began to look like sleepy, mindless zombies. Their eyes drooped, one began drooling by the lip, and their head nodded in exhaustion.

I whipped my head to Kou. She looked normal, as if she hadn't just cast a genjutsu and caused most her students to nod off to sleep.

My heart beat increased. I raised my hand. "Kou-sensei, what's going on? I wasn't affected by the genjutsu."

Was _this_ the genjutsu? Or was I truly not affected? Did she forgot to cast one on me? Why were my other students being visibly affected and lulled, but not me?

She raised her head and her eyes met mine. She put her hands together in a seal and said, " _Kai!"_

One by one, my peers' heads raised. They rubbed their eyes and yawned, as if awakening from a cozy hibernation.

"I didn't notice anything at all!"

"I noticed some signs - did you see -?"

"That was cool, Kou-sensei!"

"Yuuki, did you notice -?"

I whipped my head back and forth, trying to absorb all the chatter. I furrowed my eyebrows. Okay. On the second try, I'll dispel it. I made a note to keep my eye out and take a look at my environment. How can I identify that something's a genjutsu? How can I determine that I'm being gently tugged into a dream or a delusion?

I balled my fists determinedly. _Okay. I'm ready._

"Class, we'll be doing it for a second time. Brace yourself!" she made a familiar set of seals. I whirled around in my chair as I watched everyone nod to sleep. _Was I left out of the genjutsu_ again _?_ I asked. I dug my nails into my palms and gritted my teeth. Confusion seeped into me and I felt truly left out; not like I usually am, friendless and lonely in the corner. I was watching my peers slip under the genjutsu while I was the outsider, unable to help. I felt helpless and frightened, like a stray cat. I hated it.

"Kou-sensei, I think I've been left out of the genjutsu!" I told her panickedly, standing up in my chair. Her eyes met mine once more, but nothing escaped her mouth. She simply tore her eyes away from mine, hummed a stupid fucking tune, and organized her disoriented desk.

"Kou-sensei, what the _fuck_?" I didn't care that I was being rude. I felt scared and nervous. It felt eerie. I was all alone while everyone was ensnared in a genjutsu -

 _Wait._

What if this _was_ a genjutsu? I licked my dry lips and sat down slowly in my desk. What if I am in a genjutsu? Kou didn't neglect to snag me in the genjutsu - I was in it. I took another look around the class. Drools pooled the desks and sounds of faint snoring emitted from a few classmates. What if they, too, were seeing their peers sleep? What if _I_ was sleeping in their perspective?

Okay. The best plan is for me to stay calm. Panic would cause my thoughts to coagulate into an incoherent mess, and I needed tranquility right now to figure things out. I rubbed my bottom lip in thought. The basic hand seal we were taught to dispel a genjutsu was _Ram_. I placed my hand into the appropriate seal. I had to concentrate on sending chakra flow to my brain and focus on release. Genjutsu mainly affected the prefrontal cortex of the brain. I sent chakra to that area to the best that I could. It was pretty basic and simple, but controlling my chakra was a little bit like trying to stop an overflowing toilet. You can close the lid and try to stop it from leaking onto your freshly mopped bathroom tiles, but it's still going to pour out and drip.

I envisioned shut doors.

" **Kai!"**

 _The doors flung open._

I opened my eyes and look around.

My heart dropped.

"Why is everyone still asleep?" I wondered aloud. "Everyone - what's going on?"

I dispelled the genjutsu. My chakra flow was normal. Why was I unable to dispel it?

My migraine exacerbated. I yelped in pain and clutched my head. Fuck. Not now. _Please. Not now._

Kou abruptly chirped, "Kai!"

I felt like puking. I felt odd, stupid, dumb, incompetent, confused - whatever the fuck you want to call my jumbled emotions.

The chorus of chatter began again.

"I dispelled it this time -!"

"- no way, I did, too - I think I saw …?"

"It was easier to see this time -"

It was at this moment I wished I had a friend in this class. Everyone was divulging in what they saw, and whether they knew it or not, this helped them remain vigilant for the next demonstration.

We were put into the genjutsu another time but it remained the same - confusedly trying to figure out how to dispel it while I nearly gave myself a heart attack. Genjutsus, truly, were a cruel way to kill someone; unraveling their brain and exploiting their fears, even with a basic delusion. I wanted to jump out the window when I was trapped in one, seemingly alone while my peers dozed off. I was all alone in the room with Kou and her chilling blue orbs sporadically meeting mine. I felt vulnerable and scared, and it didn't help that my mind was panicking, fueled by confusion.

I was relieved when Kou announced that this was our final genjutsu trial. _The torture is over. Finally._ I stared at my palms, staring at the marks my nails made, staring at my now flushed skin.

…

 _ **(you didn't know?**_ )

A memory flashed in my mind. Oh, fuck. I'm an idiot - again.

I recalled a fight occurring in Naruto. It was one of my favorites in the original series: Kurenai against Itachi. I enjoyed watching a relatively "strong" female genjutsu specialist go head to head with one of the most powerful and formidable characters in the franchise. I remembered one particular "badass" moment that marvelled me - when Kurenai bit her lip and drew blood to abscond from Itachi's genjutsu.

I wondered if causing self inflicted pain to oneself helps one dispel a genjutsu? It didn't seem plausible, but it couldn't hurt to try. It would be hard, though. I'm sure it takes a lot of willpower to cause enough pain to draw blood.

I stared at my thumb and brought it tentatively to my mouth. _Fuck, Kotori. Just bite!_

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to bite, but to no avail. My tongue wrapped awkwardly around the finger.

 _ **(... you couldn't swim…?)**_

Drool trailed down my mouth and dripped onto the table. The overwhelming, thick smell of citrus made me want to gag. Kou looked at me and returned to cleaning the board. I bit harder. The pain was excruciating by now. I wasn't sure if it was panic that worsened my aches or what, but I couldn't concentrate. It felt as if a neurosurgeon was performing brain surgery on me, right now - without the anaesthesia.

 **(...** _ **how can you save your mother, if you didn't even save yourself?)**_

Pain briefly panged my thumb. Warm liquid that tasted like iron gently brushed against my tongue. I tasted it. It tasted weird.

Never mind my bloody finger (literally!). My head began to hurt, as if I hadn't slept in days. I looked up, moaning in pain. My classmates didn't appear to be sleeping. They were wide awake, muttering noises to themselves, their hands clasped in a _ram_ seal.

 _Was I… did I…?_

I gaped at my finger. It was dripping with blood. It didn't look too serious.

I slowly and absentmindedly pressed my thumb to my arm, imprinting a red finger stamp. My arm shaked. I was on another high. … _did I really…?_

"Kai!"

Kou smiled as she took a look around the classroom, basking in the looks of triumphant - or disoriented - faces plastered on various students. When her eyes fell on me, she frowned.

If she was troubled by my injury, she didn't say anything. She smoothed her features over with a warm smile.

"Alright, everyone, it's almost time to go. _Home….work!_ I want you all to -"

The pain began gradually fading away. A boulder had been lifted off my skull. My eyelids dropped over my pupils. Kou was beginning to fade away. What was she saying, anyway?

"...Draw a pict… Descr…. w...hat was abnormal? T...omorro -"

As if on cue, the bell wailed. Students, one by one, began shuffling out the classroom. The last image I saw was Tenten's high pigtails bouncing out the door as I collapsed to the floor, consciousness slipping away.

* * *

I awoke with large blue eyes peering anxiously down at me. It reminded me of the waters. Those Mexican waters. Those soft, enticing waves curling around my feet. It was really hot that day. I think it was around ninety degrees. I remember the sand burning my feet so I cooled them down by a dip in the ocean. I wasn't used to that weather back in Seattle. Anyways, those waters, that look just like Kou's big, pretty eyes, were… wait, what?

"My God, Kotori-chan! You scared me! Are you okay?"

I was on the floor. My head was on the floor. I took a look around as I sat up. Blood rushed to my head and it rang. Fuck.

I winced and clutched my temples. The chair I was seated in had fallen to the ground , mirroring my position. My bag spilt over and my empty bento box laid a few feet away from me.

"How long was I out?"

"For like, seventy seconds. What happened?"

Good question. The bell had rung. That bell's too fucking annoying and loud - we really should complain to Administration. The bell had rung. Kids were coming out. I fainted for a minute. Woke up.

"I'm just super, super sleepy," I mumbled, my voice disoriented. "Sorry for your troubles. I had no sleep last night and I ran this morning. I guess my body couldn't take the lack of rest. Sorry, really."

Kou held her eyes on me then gestured to my bloody thumb. Oh, that. I bit that like two minutes ago.

"What's up with that?"

"I was unable to dispel the genjutsu," I told her honestly. "I was having some difficulties. I realized I was _actually_ in the genjutsu by the second trial, but I didn't notice anything abnormal. I attempted to release, but to no avail."

"Show me."

I frowned. I put my fingers together in the _ram_ seal, shut my eyes, pictured a shut door, and mumbled, " _kai"_. The doors flung open, and I opened my eyes.

"It seems adequate," she muttered. "It doesn't seem as if you're doing it incorrectly. How's your chakra flow? Have you gone to the doctor recently?"

"No, I have not been to the doctor recently, but my chakra flow is fine. I'm able to feel my chakra circulating and perform the leaf exercise efficiently."

"I wonder…" she trailed off, then tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I don't want to jump to conclusions. It may very well be due to inexperience. Perhaps you need more practice?"

"What was your initial conclusion?" I queried curiously. Was it because I was a civilian? Was I sick?

"Something to do with your chakra coils. In any case, if after a month you are unable to dispel a genjutsu or recognize signs, then I recommend you visit a doctor and get this all sorted out. OK?" She rose from her crouch and made her way to her desk.

"I can't practice genjutsus - my family are civilians," I reminded her, rising and following her in pursuit. "I don't have any friends with shinobi families. I don't have the means or resources."

Kou looked sympathetic. She chewed on her bottom lip in thought. After a minute of pondering, she spoke.

"OK. That's an issue. I'd recommend making friends, but… you probably will be reluctant to that option. It's important for ninjas to have teamwork and be people-friendly, but that's another lesson for another day. How about this: twenty minutes after class three times a week. I'll place a genjutsu on you, you'll dispel it. This way, you'll have sufficient training in this area."

I beamed. Excitement coursed through my body. I wanted to hug and kiss her! I've been yearning for some one-on-one tutoring, and this was the perfect opportunity.

"That's… that's perfect. Thank you, Kou-sensei, I'm extremely grateful!"

She grinned. "No problem, Kotori-chan." She reached into her desk drawer and took out a pink slip of paper. "Have your parent or guardian sign this, consenting to after school tutoring. I expect it signed by tomorrow. We'll also start after school tomorrow, alright?"

I nodded, grabbed the sheet of paper, and bounded out of the classroom.

* * *

"I'm getting a job."

Hearing those words spill out my mother's mouth was… surprising, to say the least.

"... _**eh?**_ " I spat out.

Mother beamed over her bowl of noodles. Her white hair spilled over her shoulders and the light made her face glow and look healthy. Pea green eyes searched my face excitedly. She peered at me.

"I got a job!" she repeated. She reached for my hand. "Aren't you happy?"

"..."

"Oh, Kotori-chan, don't you know this is a _good_ thing? Don't you _want_ me to make money?"

"Did you forget that you're _sick_? You literally nearly _died_ in the middle of the village a few months ago, and now you're frolicking off somewhere, slaving your ass off?"

" _Sorano Kotori_ , do _not_ curse!" she scolded. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, her smile melting off her face. Guilt twinged at my heart. "I'm cleared to work. The medications are doing their job, and besides, Mom can't shoulder the burden of paying for your tuition, the bills, food, _and_ my medication."

"That's why _I'm_ at this school, so _you_ can be safe and _we_ can pay for _your_ treatment!" I asserted.

"Kotori, that's ridiculous. I can't believe you're being selfish -"

" _I'm_ being selfish? You're not fit to work! Does Grandma know about this?"

"As a matter of fact, she does, and she supports me. She's not a _child_ \- she understands that we have bills to pay and money don't grow on trees."

I set my chopsticks down, gritting my teeth. "Was she there when you fell in front of me? Was she there when she saw a bunch of strangers pick you up like a limp corpse? Was she there when you were hacking up blood? Was she there when you looked two seconds away from _death_?"

She glowered at me. "Kotori, I'm your mother. I'd appreciate if you stopped talking to me like an infant! And what happened to your thumb?"

I let out a frustrated groan. I abruptly rose from my chair, snatched my bag from the floor, stomped into my room, and slammed the door.

Tears stung my eyes. I'm being selfish. I'm being an annoying fucking brat, I'm being rude to my mother who just wants me to have a better life, but does she understand that I want her to stay safe and healthy and _why can't I breathe, why is the air closing in on my lungs, why does it taste like salt water again?_

I stumbled to my knees and hyperventilated. I dug my nails into my palms as I felt warm tears slide down my cheeks. _Calm down. Breathe._ _ **In. Out.**_ _Breathe._ _ **In. Out.**_ _Breathe._ _ **In -**_

I stayed on the floor, on my knees, frozen. I bit down on my sleeves to stop from screaming. I didn't move until a tentative knock on the door - Grandmother - told me it was time for bed.

* * *

Genjutsu tutoring sessions began shortly after my quarrel with Mother.

We meet thrice a week like Kou instructed. It usually ended with painful migraines and bandaged fingers. The house was usually empty; Grandmother was out working, and so was my mother. By the time Mother arrived, Grandmother and I were tucked into bed, sleeping. Bento boxes were made in advance. I'd found perfectly wrapped and prepared lunches in the fridge, stuff them in my pack, and be on my way. Breakfasts were arranged by my grandmother, but they didn't have much variety. Rice, fish, and tea were the usual.

I missed my mother but it was for the best. She was happier and, although I barely saw her, knowing that she was content quelled at least some of my anxiety.

I arrived at school and shuffled into class. Class had yet to begin. Taking my seat near the front, I neatly set up my supplies.

"Kotori-chan!"

I looked up and met eyes with Tenten. A smile slowly tugged at the corner of my lips. I've taken a liking to the six year old. She was a canon character, sure, but she was just so… _cute_. Her big, earthy brown eyes made it heart wrenching to disrespect her, and her kindness was so warm and welcoming.

"Hey, Tenten," I said, organizing my colored pencils, "what's up?"

"I'm moving to another class," she chirped, grinning wildly. "I'm so excited! Today's my last day here."

I frowned. "Wha…?"

"Yep! I'm going into the advanced classes."

Why _her_? I thought bitterly. I clenched my fists and smoothed my suddenly hard features.

"Why?" I asked evenly.

"I dunno. They met with my parents. Said something about me being 'advanced'. Oh! Wait -" she sifted through her pack and pulled out a crinkled piece of paper.

"-it says that I have surpassed the taijutsu, ninjutsu, and genjutsu requirements, as well as my weapon care and handling, and I'm ready to move on to the next stage."

 _Fuck._ How did a six year old surpass _me_? Am I that weak?

I blinked.

"Ah, congratulations, Tenten," I said, rubbing my head. I was _fuming_.

"I'll miss you, Kotori-chan," she suddenly mewled, tears appearing in her eyes.

"Tenten, we weren't that close. We don't even eat lunch together," I muttered. More importantly, I had to figure out how _she_ surpassed _me_. In the show, Tenten didn't seem that strong. I wondered if she was simply overshadowed by the godlike, overpowered protagonists, whom trivialized her strengths and abilities? She was a focused kunoichi, the only girl who wasn't head over heels with boys; perhaps she was hardworking? Still, it didn't make sense that _she_ was being plucked out of the civilian, beginner class and moved into an advanced one while I was left behind.

"Class is starting," I told her when I saw Kou appear and set her things down. "I'll see you later, OK?"

She nodded, wiping her eyes, and bounded to her seat. I ran my fingers through my hair in thought.

 _ **( silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!)**_

* * *

"You've _got_ to stop hurting yourself, Kotori-chan," Kou said as she fetched me another bandage. I stared at the blood trickling down my right middle finger.

 _\- failure -_

"I can't find another way to break out of this goddamn genjutsu," I murmured absentmindedly. The vermilion liquid spotted Kou's desk. She clucked her tongue and quickly swiped it with a disinfecting wipe and wrapped the bandage around my finger.

I took a look at the four other bandages wrapped around my fingers and chewed on my lip. Our genjutsu sessions have been going to shit. _Every_ single time, I would be unable to release myself from her trap and would be forced to resort to pain. I'd shove a finger in my mouth - accessible, easy to heal, not too much pain or blood - and bite. I'd be snapped out of the hallucination with a twinge of pain pulsating from my fingers and a headache to accompany me for the rest of the day. It was getting frustrating to see my lack of progress. I've been trying _so_ hard but for nothing.

"Language," she warned. "I've been wondering, too. I mean, I've come across kids who struggle with genjutsus, but they usually improve and are able to release themselves after a month. But, _you_ … you're an enigma. I can't figure you out."

I shrugged. "Maybe I'm too stupid," I suggested.

Kou sighed. "No. You're smart. You're top of the class -"

"-filled with civilians and orphans without any shinobi experience," I reminded her. "It's no accomplishment."

"-and you're scoring well on critical thinking and knowledge. You can pick up concepts fairly well, but… I'm not sure _why_ you're struggling with genjutsus. Have you gone to the doctor?"

I rubbed my thumb between my pointer and middle finger. "No money," I told her, "remember?"

She sucked on her bottom lip in thought, out of habit. "I have an idea," she said. "I've got a gal pal. A Hyuuga. We've learned about them in class. Distinguished Konoha clan -?"

"They've got Byakugan, honorable clan in this village. Your idea is for them to give me a free xray with their eyes and see what's up with my chakra coils, right?"

She smiled. "Smart girl. There's one that works here. Hopefully she's still in her classroom, maybe she can come over here really quick. Hey, I'm leaving you alone for a few minutes. Don't do anything stupid, and don't _touch_ a thing."

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving Kou off. She smirked and slipped out quickly.

I sighed, leaning against her desk. The thought of Tenten was still in my mind. I never thought I'd envy a preschooler, but here I am. I'm unable to dispel the most basic genjutsu while she'll be off tomorrow in a class filled with prodigies and advanced curriculum. I gritted my teeth. _It isn't fair._

Tears filled my eyes. I wanted to advance. I didn't just want to be a fodder ninja, glued to C rank missions and patrolling the village. Maybe I could be a Chuunin Exams proctor, God knows if I ever make it to that. I didn't _want_ to be stuck doing something boring. I wanted my veins to pump with exhilarating adrenaline, whizzing through trees as the wind stole my breath. I wanted to hear metal cling against metal as I fought an enemy, overpowering each other with our ninjutsus. I wanted to _dance_ again like I did before, my fists and feet maneuvering in a graceful cadence. I wanted to -

"... she's just a mystery, she's in there - Kotori-chan!" I was flung out of my reverie. I whirled around. Kou stood with a white-eyed brunette, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"This is the enigma I've been telling you about. Kotori-chan, this is Hyuuga Natsuhi. Natsuhi, this is Sorano Kotori."

Natsuhi was a tall and slim woman with fair skin and dark, long hair pulled back into a low bun. She reminded me of a peacock, sort of; she demanded respect and had an air of grace and poise emanating from her. Maybe it was her chakra, I don't know. I bowed to her automatically. She nodded at me.

"So, she can't fight genjutsus - big whoop. What class is this, 5B?" she took a look around. Embarrassment clouded over me, thinly veiled by anger. "It makes sense."

"Ah, Natsuhi-san, that's the thing. She's been unable to dispel genjutsus for a month. I've tried the most basic of genjutsus, but she can't. And, look-" she grabbed my wrists and showed her my bandaged fingers. They flailed pathetically under her sudden grip. "-she has to harm herself to snap out of it."

Natsuhi frowned. "I'd agree, not being able to dispel a genjutsu after a month is peculiar. How are her test scores in other areas?" Interest flashing across her face. She caressed my skin and softly moved her cool fingertips to my temples. I shivered at her soft touch.

"Fine. Passing. Top of her class in taijutsu and she learns well."

She massaged my temples and hummed intriguingly. "I'll take a look at her coils. I'm no doctor, but I'll see."

She made a _tiger_ seal, closed her eyes briefly, and muttered, " _Byakugan!"_

Her eyes flew open and I started at her abrupt change in appearance. The Byakugan seemed less unsettling in animation. Seeing the concentrated, pulsating veins sewn around her eyes in person made me want to cower into my blankets and never come out. Her gaze was even more unsettling; her pupiless, pale orbs stared at me eerily. I felt naked under her judgmental gaze. I wanted to fling an outfit over my… my _soul._ I was utterly naked. I swallowed harshly.

"You're nervous," she said.

"Eh?"

"You're nervous. I see. Your chakra… if you didn't know, chakra circulates clockwise under normal conditions. When you're anxious or nervous, it shifts counterclockwise. Chakra doesn't quite have a specific color, if anything, it's a very subdued blue, but it's looking somewhat green. You're nervous."

I licked my dry lips. "Sorry."

She squinted her eyes and hummed. Suddenly, she stopped and froze. She made a strangled noise in the back of her throat and quickly deactivated her Byakugan. Her vanilla eyes widened with… astonishment? Shock? _Fear_?

"So? Whaddya see?" Kou asked, engaged in our brief exchange.

Natsuhi frowned. "It's… it's all… it's all _wrong_. Her entire system. It's _fucked up_."


	7. - seven -

Jump!

 **Part 1: Yellow**

 **Arc 1**

 **Seven**

* * *

"It's all… wrong,"

Instinctually, I wrapped my arms around myself as an attempt to cover myself. I thought about the Byakugan and felt very stupid. My cheeks prickled and I blushed. On a more serious note, panic began to settle in.

"What do you see, Natsuhi?" Kou asked, her voice turning serious. She moved closer to Natsuhi and inspected me, although she obviously couldn't see anything.

I felt awkward under their piercing gaze.

"It's just… I…" Natsuhi licked her lips and squinted. "Well, her chakra coils look normal. Obviously. If they weren't, she'd be dead. What alarms me are her tenketsu near her _third eye_."

"Third eye?" I queried curiously. I knew of the third eye back in my original world. It had something to do with buddhism or hinduism, I think. I didn't know much else about it, other than it was associated with Asiatic religions, spirituality, and that the stoners in high school - _you knew the ones_ \- would frequently gush about "opening your third eye" during their smoking sessions.

Natsuhi shook her head. "It's complicated to explain, especially to an Academy student."

I furrowed my eyebrows. " _Try me_."

She held her gaze on me. After a minute, she sighed, then deactivated her Byakugan. She walked over to the board and picked up a block of chalk. She began sketching a human body and drawing lines. Her drawing wasn't perfect, but from what I could decipher, it was basic anatomy of our chakra network.

"This is a normal chakra network," she said. "We have _tenketsu_ \- pin sized nodes that releases chakra. Only I, a Hyuuga, can see this."

I nodded. "Okay. So what the hell is a _third eye_?"

"I'm getting there. Be patient, Kotori-san."

She drew large circles on regions of the body: the skull, the forehead, the throat, the chest, and down to one's shins.

"These are different 'chakras'. This is where it gets confusing, so stay with me. There's a… theory about one's 'third eye'. The third eye is said to deal with higher consciousness and such. It is said that if one unlocks its full potential, they are able to become clairvoyant and see the future. This isn't quite proven scientifically. This is why seers and prophecies are associated with the third eye."

I nodded, a bit incredulous. _Third eye_ , _huh_? I never believed in meditating, third eye, or 'quantum plane jumping', but then again, I thought Naruto was fictitious. The more you know.

"We all have, to some extent, a 'third eye'. We have tenketsus surrounding it, just like any other part of the body. Chakra circulates throughout our 'third eye', and this is thought to help recognize, stay cognizant during, and combat genjutsus. It isn't truly scientifically proven as there isn't enough studies concerning it, but it's widely believed - even by various Kages. Do you understand?"

"A little," I admitted. It did seem a bit farfetch. Basically, people in this world have an _actual_ spiritual third eye. The brain probably sends chakra around it. If the third eye signifies consciousness, it would make sense that the third eye deals with genjutsu and such. It fights off foreign chakra, or at the very least, helps an individual differentiate between reality and a delusion and allows the individual to mold chakra near the brain to send signals to 'wake it up', I suppose. It garnered a little skepticism, but in theory, made sense.

Natsuhi activated her Byakugan again and gawked at my body again. I shifted my weight as she stared in silence. The sound of the ticking clock, chalk tapping against a surface, and Kou's breathing filled the void.

"You… you don't have chakra circulating around your third eye," she finally said. "That's… that's weird. Peculiar. I've never seen this before in my life, and I looked at a lot of people's bodies You literally don't have tenketsus around it. Even if the third eye didn't exist, you still have an extremely grave complication. Every single human being has 361 nodes. You don't. Around your forehead, you don't have any chakra circulating it. If I would guess, I would say rather than 361 nodes, you have... " she squinted. "... maybe 359? 358?"

I bristled at her bluntness.. "So… I should be dead? Chakra isn't flowing near my brain, right?"

"Kotori-chan, you said that you were able to recognize a genjutsu once you're in it, right?" Kou asked, placing a hand on her hip and leaning against her desk.

I bit my lip. "Well, I guess. I mean, I only know because I _know_ you'll put me in a genjutsu beforehand. If someone just…" I clapped my hands together, "... _flung_ me in a genjutsu inconspicuously or without warning, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell."

Kou breathed and plopped down on her desk. "So. Natsuhi. I'm no doctor, but I could tell this isn't good."

"Well, that's just it. If I look at her - _really_ look at her - I can see something else that's odd. Kotori-san, are you sensitive to chakra?"

I ran my fingers through my hair. I wanted to go home. My stomach was growling and I felt like some type of alien, being prodded, inspected, and interrogated. _Well, you_ aren't _from here,_ I thought darkly.

"Um, what do you mean? When I'm close to people, I can kind of sense their chakra, you know? I can kind of visualize it too, like in colors. Like…" I gestured to Kou. "Her chakra seems, very faintly… brown. Yours is a plain gray. Mine… would be **yellow**."

Natsuhi nodded and deactivated her Byakugan. "Your third eye doesn't have any chakra - that's because your _sen-hasu_ **(1)** has a ton of it."

"What is that, now?" I asked tiredly.

"Another type of chakra, except, it's right here -" she pointed to the top of her head. "-and it also deals with consciousness. It allows us to somewhat sense chakra. We all sense chakra - killing intent, thick, large, or powerful amounts of it… we all feel that. Sensory types… go overboard. Depending on their sensitivity, they can sense from meters or miles away; if they recognize the signature, they can sense _whose_ chakra it is, and so forth."

"Wait - are you saying I'm a _sensor type_ nin?" I asked her with incredulity. I crossed my arms. _What the fuck_? I can sense other people's chakra? I never noticed it my nearly six years living in this world. I thought what I was feeling was normal _. Didn't everybody see and feel chakra as colors?_

"Well, you're not a ninja yet," Natsuhi replied dryly, "but yes. I've seen sensory nins' bodies. Their anatomy… their sen-hasu is similar to yours, except, for some odd reason… you have more flowing chakra."

"So. I'm a freak." I stared at my toes. _I don't even go here,_ I amusedly thought.

"Basically, yeah," she said. She sighed and crossed her arms. "This was quite intriguing to study. Thank you, Kou-san, for bringing this to my attention. Kotori-san, I highly recommend you visit a doctor. You really, really need to get checked out. This might be an obstacle in your road to becoming a ninja. It's imperative a ninja is able to decipher whether or not they're in a genjutsu. We also have to find out _why_ you don't have flowing chakra in your third eye, and _how_ to correct it."

"If you come across a genjutsu on the field, you're over," Kou agreed. "This is a real problem. Not only did I waste an hour every week on training you, but you can seriously die in a battle."

My heart began racing, because, really? Did they have to fling all of this 'death' and 'battle' shit on me all at once? I mean… I'm _five_ , give or take a few years and a lingering twenty something years.

"I…"

"Where do you live? I'll walk you home so I can talk to your mother -"

"-doctor's appointment can be at the end of the week, after school. I'll go with you, only because this is really weird and -"

 _I'm choking. Why am I choking?_

"Seriously. Being able to break out of a genjutsu is vital-"

"- we may pull you out from this program if becoming cognizant is completely impossible..."

"... Kotori…?"

"- Kotori-san…"

 _I can't breathe._

My feet moved before my brain told them to. I flung myself out the door, my heart pounding in my throat. I ran and ran until I was outside the Academy. I gasped for air, clutching my knees as I panted.

 _ **(she can't breathe.)**_

* * *

I was surprised to see my mother home when I arrived.

"Had another lesson, Kotori-chan?" she asked as she finished drying up our dishes. I nodded and pressed my clammy hand to my temples. I'm sweating.

"What's going on?" she saw my face and frowned. "Was the lesson too strenuous?"

I shook my head. "I… I just feel sick. Flu. It's going around the school." I gave her a faint smile and trudged into my room. Throwing my bag on the floor, I slipped into my bed.

My head was aching terribly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, slowly feeling myself drift to sleep.

* * *

I was tying my shoes. The game was beginning. The crowd was roaring in anticipation.

"C'mon, _Amelia_ ," my familiar teammate said. I looked up. My best friend - and libero of McKinley High's elite volleyball team - Lucy smirked. "Hurry up. We need you out here."

I smiled, nodded, and tied my shoelaces. "I'll be right there."

And tied them.

And tied them.

And tied them.

It was a frustrating, endless loop. My thumbs began to redden. Tying and tying and -

"Briggs, hurry the fuck up! We need you out here!"

The ball was being tossed around like a hot potato, the sound of hands smacking the ball filling the air. The crowd's roars were deafening. My fingers were aching. I kept tying them. _One shoelaces under, now make a bunny ear, loop it around -_

"Briggs, hurry -"

 _\- then push the ear under the tiny little opening and pull -_

"We need you out here! _Don't abandon us, Amelia, we need you! Don't leave us!"_

\- and pull -

" _God, Amelia, don't leave us! We need you!_ _ **Please stay -!**_ "

I woke with my shirt clinging to my back, sweat moistening my back. My mouth was dry and tears stung my eyes. Fuck **.**

The sounds of my friends crying out made me want to sob. _I wanna go back. I wanna go back._

I squeezed my eyelids shut and rubbed them angrily.

 _Well, you can't. Buck the_ _ **fuck**_ _up._ I'm sounding like an annoying five year old - which, in reality, I am not - who's throwing a temper tantrum because I want to go back to Disneyland. This isn't some weekend vacation; this is real _fucking_ life.

I sniffled and twirled my sheet, wet my tears and sweat, around my finger.

I took a peek outside. The sun was tentatively peeking out from the cloudless sky. It was morning and I had school.

Fuck it.

I plopped down on my pillow and wrapped the blanket around me closer.

* * *

"Kotori-chan, why aren't you going to school?" My mother's voice awoke me. "You're an hour late!" I felt a weight press on the edge of the bed.

I moaned. "I'm sick and I feel like shit. Can I cash a rain check? _Please_? I've been having nauseating migraines lately and the flu's going around, and -"

"Hold on," Mother interjected, " _migraines_? _Why_? Why didn't you tell me, A, and _B_ , why are you having them?"

I wearily sat up in my bed and pulled my knees to my chest. I shrugged. "I dunno. It wasn't worth mentioning. I didn't want to worry you."

Mother sat down next to me and pulled my head to her chest. She sighed, petting my hair. "Five year olds who are nearly six shouldn't be having migraines, dummy. I'm taking you to the doctor."

"Money?"

She pursed her lips. "I worked overtime these past few weeks. I'm sure we can afford it if I just do some recounting and budgeting -"

I shook my head. "No, no, _no_. Mom, I'm fine. Really. I've just been having sleeping issues, that's why," I lied smoothly. I clasped her hand. "Don't worry."

She stared at me. "Kotori-chan… okay. You can stay home, sleep it off. But if I hear about your 'migraines' again, your ass is going to the doc. Got it?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Okay. Well, I'm going to work. I'll come during lunch so you won't be alone."

She rose and left, leaving me alone.

Returning my head to the pillow, I sighed. I couldn't return to school; I had to take a day off. I didn't want to face Kou and possibly Natsuhi. I didn't want to be flooded with the whole " _go to the doctor", "you're gonna die", "you're basically disabled and need therapy"_ debacle. I didn't want another blaring reminder that I don't belong here.

I turned on my side and stared at my nails.

I don't truly belong here.

* * *

Finally, after what felt like days - but really was a few hours - of doing nothing, I slunk out of bed. My legs ached and although I wasn't in the mood to run, I figured I can take the long way to the library to return and check out more books. Anything to keep my veins pumping and my blood flowing. My interest in genjutsu was growing. I wasn't too excited about having someone else's blood spilt on my hands; genjutsu would pave a way for me to halt their movements without the mess. How awesome is that? It's a pity that I'm struggling in that aspect, because I've always been intrigued by it. It was never properly explored in the manga, outside overpowered and overexposed doujutsus. Characters shyly popped up here and there. Tayuya and Kurenai comes to mind, but they disappeared as quickly as they arrived.

I slipped on my shoes and my turtleneck and trudged out the door.

Walking through the village made me hungry. Grilled fish filled the air and the sounds of enthusiastic shop owners beckoning potential customers seemed alluring. I shook my head. _Walk. Library. Home. That's it._

I stuffed my hands in my pockets as I entered the library. My headaches have been reducing since my nap, thank God. I had already made plans to stab myself. Truly.

The librarian nodded at me. She had grown accustomed to my periodic appearances. We're even on first name basis. Her name's Koharu and she lives with three cats. Yeah, I know; stereotypes are accurate, even in this world.

After an hour of sifting through the shelves and reading up on genjutsu, I was still dissatisfied. Not wanting to leave without borrowing a book, I grabbed another book on taijutsu and checked it out. After being approved by Koharu, I stuffed it under my arm and walked out.

I wished I had money; it'd be nice to take a nice stroll around the village, sit down at a mom-and-pop shop, and eat some dango and tea. Alas, I'm broke.

I began walking, peering down at the book cover. It looked silly; an animated version of someone throwing a kick in the air. I chuckled until I bumped headfirst into someone.

"S-Sorry!" I stammered, my book clattering to the ground. I scrambled to pick it up.

"Don't be, _Kotori-chan_."

I froze at the familiarity of the voice. I looked up abruptly, only to meet eyes with Kou. Anger was embedded across her face. Her hands were on her hip. Her chakra buzzed in agitation, akin to a group of bustling bugs. I swallowed thickly.

"Kou-san…"

"Don't bother. Why are you skipping school?"

Before I knew it, I was led into a tea shop by the ear. A cup of tea sat in front of us, smoke swirling through the air. I traced the outline of the cup and sighed.

"I don't want to see you," I admitted dejectedly.

"Why?" she asked softly. Her anger appeared to have dissipated slightly.

"I'm… I don't want to hear you talk about my genjutsu issues and my stupid second, third, fourth, _whatever the heck_ , eye."

Kou frowned. "Kotori-chan, I just want to help you."

"I… I don't need your help. I can figure it out on my own." _I've been doing that for almost six years since I was reborn._

"I'm taking you to the doctor," she told me. "I'm serious."

"No," I growled. "I said I don't need your help!"

Kou slammed her fist on the table, causing the other patrons to jump in alarm. Silence waved over the restaurant.

"Dammit, Kotori, I'm serious. I don't want your _bratty bullshit_. You have a problem. You have potentially a _health issue_ that may render you unable to mold chakra, maybe cause you to leak cerebrospinal fluid in your nose, I don't fucking know 'cause I'm not a _doctor._ But that's exactly who we need to see. And I'm sure your mother would be _thankful_ to know that I took your ass to the doctor and prevented you from dying in battle, and _yes_ there is a possibility of you dying, but that's normal if you want to be a shinobi! If you're so scared of death, then drop the _fuck_ out of the Academy and stop wasting our goddamn resources and the taxpayers' money."

I stared at her in disbelief. My stomach churned and my skin prickled with embarrassment and shame. I stared at my tea cup in humiliation. I was speechless. Her voice abruptly switched from whimsical to red-hot fury. I chewed on her rant. She's right; I _am_ being an angsty brat.

I facepalmed myself mentally. I skipped school because… of what? I'm unable to dispel a genjutsu? I potentially have a problem with chakra flow around my brain? I pussied out? I'm scared of _dying_ when the very one thing under the ninja job description is a frequent kisses with death?

"I'm… I'm sorry," I murmured. "I'll go with you, I guess. I can't say I'm not curious myself."

Kou's face smoothed. She breathed deeply, took a swig of her beverage - which, I'm not sure is tea - and got up. Slamming ryou down on the table, she roughly grabbed my arm and yanked me out the establishment.

* * *

I was back in the hospital again. Mint made it ways through my noise. I was immediately whooshed back into the recollection of visiting my mother in the same room. The white walls and meticulously polished floors. The eerie stillness of the entire building. The minty odor wafting through the air, so potent that you can _taste it._ The distant sound of sneakers squeaking and heels clicking on the tiles made my ears twinge. The pediatric waiting room was empty and quiet. Kou was silent.

"Sorano Kotori?" a nurse arrived in the doorway, a clipboard in her hand, squinting at a paper. She poked her head through. "Sorano Kotori?"

"That's me," I said. I got up from my seat. I glanced at Kou, who scrambled to her feet.

The nurse lead us to an empty hospital room. "Arakawa-sensei will see you soon," she informed us. Turning on her heel, she trotted out the room.

Silence engulfed us once more. I stared at my nails. Sneakers squeaked against the floor outside. The wind made a soft sound, rustling the trees. Leaves scratched the closed window, begging for entry.

After what seemed like an hour, the door swung open. A tall woman in heels waltzed in. She was beautiful; a lilac bob framed her tanned face. Cherry red glossed her lips and embellished earrings glinted in the light. Pacific blue eyes bounced from Kou and I, and she glanced at her clipboard.

"Good afternoon. I'm Arakawa Shion and I will be checking out Sorano-san. Please sit down here." She gestured to the bed.

I followed her command, plopping myself down on the hospital bed. My legs embarrassingly flailed, my feet not touching the ground. God, I can't wait until puberty. When was that again?

She unwrapped a stethoscope around her neck. Pearls coiled around her neck clinked with every brash movement. Pressing the bell to my chest, she listened diligently.

"So. What brings you here today?"

"Her chakra coils are weird," Kou spoke up, leaning in. "I had her checked out by a Hyuuga. She said something about improper chakra circulation around her third eye? Oh! I forgot, and she doesn't have all of her tenketsu nodes."

Shion's eyes widened. "I am unable to get in there without an x-ray, but it is safe to say that it is implausible." She paused. "If a _Hyuuga_ checked you out, I can not dispute… Kotori-san, are you manipulating your chakra?"

I nodded. "I'm in the Academy. I practice molding my chakra at school and occasionally at home."

"Any symptoms? Discomfort? Weird feelings?"

I thought carefully. "Well, I do get migraines. I chalked it up to sleep deprivation, but they exacerbate when I mold chakra and _really_ hurt whenever I attempt to dispel a genjutsu."

"Why didn't you tell me, Kotori?" Kou demanded. I shrugged helplessly.

"That _is_ queer. You should not suffer from long term headaches when molding chakra. That is a symptom of a plethora of chakra disorders. Kotori-san, I am going to put you under for a scan, right after I take your blood pressure. Is that alright?"

I squirmed in my seat. "Sure," I murmured.

* * *

The scan was quick and easy. Heat engulfed me temporarily and lingered after I stepped out, but other than that, it was painless with little discomfort. Shion stepped away a bit to examine the scan, leaving Kou and I alone in the room again.

I twiddled with my fingers absentmindedly. I wondered if whatever abnormality I have will hinder me from becoming a ninja. I mean, fuck: I was miraculously "reborn" into the Naruto universe, where they can manipulate nature and do badass powers, but somehow, by the grace of some cosmic design, there might be a chance I won't be able to _do_ any of that shit?

If I can't become a ninja, how can my mother _live_? That thought scared me. I gnawed at my thumbnail. If I'm unable to manipulate chakra or something, I'll have to drop out. I won't have a job in the next… five to six years, and my mother won't be able to pay for her treatment. My throat became thick with tears. Best case scenario: this chakra deprivation near my 'third eye' isn't a problem, I'm able to become a ninja, I pay for my mother's cure. Worst case scenario: I'm advised not to become a ninja, I drop out, become a civilian, and the possibility of paying for Mother's cure disappears.

I swallowed harshly. Fuck. Those are… those are difficult odds.

The door swung open, alarming me.

I peered into Shion's face. Her eyebrows were knitted together and her crimson lips were pursed. She clutched my scan behind her back and shut the door slowly.

"Well, we've looked at your scan…" she said slowly, glancing at both Kou and I. I licked my lips tentatively.

"Well? What is it? Can I be a ninja? Am I some weird alien? Do I need surgery?"

She sat down in a chair and faced me. "Well, it's… to put it simply, I've never seen anything like this in my years of medicine," she said. "I… this is _amazing_. Well, not for you, but for the medical community? For the scientific community? You are an anomaly. This deviates from ordinary. It'd be _heaven_ for any doctor to examine you. It's like… like someone dissecting a frog with five legs, or a bird who is capable of flying with only one wing."

"Arakawa-sensei, can you tell us her diagnosis?" Kou asked.

"The initial theory was more or less correct. Her 'third eye' -" she put air quotes around it - "does not have chakra circulating through it. As you know, Kou-san, _all_ humans have some sort of 'third eye' as it's dubbed, near their brain." She pointed a polished finger to her frontal lobe, or forehead.

"Chakra circulates in your brain and near your skull. In reality, chakra activates hormonal release that recognizes and, to some extent, fight genjutsus. Depending on the strength of the jutsu, this response can be simply being aware to having the ability to dispel it instantly. This helps to somewhat… _block_ the illusion from doing any significant damage to your cranial nerves. Again, this depends on the severity of the jutsu.

"For you to understand your complication, you must understand the third eye. While yes, the third eye isn't scientifically proven, it's widely believed the third eye is synonymous to our pineal gland which _does_ , obviously, exist. Once again, chakra is released from tenketsu nodes and responds to illusions. Without that hormonal secretion, it is possible you would be susceptible to all genjutsus, even the most basic ones. You do not have chakra circulating near your pineal gland. This is very, very, _very_ bizarre."

I swallowed the influx of information. Our chakra system must work very carefully with our hormones. If I remember correctly from my school's Anatomy class, our hormones release on various stimuli, like neural, hormonal, and humoral. It appears that in _this_ universe, hormones release on an additional stimuli: chakra. Chakra circulation stimulates secretion of hormones. Okay. Makes sense.

If hormones don't secret from my pineal gland due to chakra deficiency, then I lack the ability to remain alert if caught in a genjutsu. There's a high threat of damaging my cranial nerves - my brain - as well. There seems to be some type of range of damage; minor headaches that dissipate later on and - like Kou said earlier - leaking brain juice from my nose. Huh. That's… gross, but I guess I could deal? I mean, what are the chances of me even battling it out with a genjutsu specialist? Unless I get into any beef with an Uchiha, I think I'm pretty safe. Right?

Shion glanced at the scan. "Furthermore, rather than chakra flowing around your 'third eye', you have _excess_ chakra around your rumored 'sen hasu', which is rumored to aid an individual in sensing chakra. In actuality, this deals with your pituitary gland. Everyone can sense chakra to a certain extent, but sensor type nin are especially able to refine this ability."

"So, it's confirmed: I'm a sensory type?" I asked. All of this information being flung at me was confusing. I have a rare, science-bending condition.

I swung my legs. "Okay. I… I understand, I guess. How are you fixing it, doc?"

Shion set her clipboard down and perched her glasses on the top of her head. "Well, it's hard to say. You're five. You're a growing child. Who knows? There's a possibility that this is a freak of nature and chakra will develop around your third eye, or your body will automatically distribute the chakra from your senhasu to your third eye. Maybe. Or, maybe it'll never distribute or develop and you'll be stuck with this disability - and _yes_ , it's a disability. On the battlefield, if you run into someone who can perform basic genjutsus, you're screwed. You can be incapacitated temporarily. If you run into a genjutsu specialists who can do more complicated jutsus, you're quadruple screwed.

"I've attended the Academy and from the curriculum a few decades ago, there hasn't been someone like this in history. I'm no _shinobi_ , though, so I'm a little hazy on genjutsus and the loopholes, but it's safe to say this: unless chakra distributes near your third eye, you will absolutely be unable to break out of a genjutsu."

I stared at her in awe. Tears stung my eyes. Fuck. She dropped a fucking bowling ball on my head.

"Will it im... impair my way of living?" I hated how my voice cracked. I cleared my throat, thick with rising tears.

Shion sighed. "No, it won't. You _will_ have headaches if you're in a genjutsu, and there's a myriad of issues that may ensue. Like I've said, I haven't stumbled upon _anyone_ like this in my years of being a doctor, so I can't say for sure. There's a possibility of scarring brain tissue. Damaging the nerves in your brain if you're in a prolonged genjutsu. I'd have to estimate perhaps being under a C-rank genjutsu for over an hour.

"Judging from your symptom of slight discomfort when you mold chakra, if you were to exert a large amount of chakra, you may experience excruciating pain. In a battle, this will prove to be hinderous and will serve as an opening to your opponent. I don't have to tell you, an Academy student, how perilous this can be."

Shion tucked her pen in her coat's breast pocket and looked at Kou.

"I'm a medic nin, though. It's not my choice whether or not to pull this child out of the program, Kou-san, but I'd highly recommend it. The risks are too high and it'd be an unnecessary death if she pursues a shinobi career. If you are unsure, I would suggest taking it up with Hokage-sama."

My eyes widened. "The _Hokage_? Is it this serious, ladies?" I asked, nervously chuckling, despite my sudden crippling anxiety over finding out that this fucking doctor thinks I shouldn't be a shinobi.

I hopped off the hospital bed. "I mean, okay, okay, I get it: you think I can't be a kick ass kunoichi -"

"That was not what was said, Kotori-san," Shion interjected.

"- _but_ , you gotta give me a chance. I mean, I have the will. The 'Will of the Flame' or some shit, right? I want to fight for this village."

"It's Will of _Fire_ , Kotori-chan, and I agree with Arakawa-sensei. I think we should set an appointment with the Hokage. He needs to know about this. I'm not… I'm not sure anyone has seen this condition before. First, he needs to be notified about this. It's my duty as a Konoha shinobi, I guess - to inform him about something odd or noteworthy. Second, we can implement some sort of plan for your future."

I swallowed harshly. My throat was thick. My mood darkened once more. Fuck. "I… I want to fight for this village," my voice quavered.

Kou didn't hear me. "Arakawa-sensei, if you don't mind, could you make copies of Kotori-chan's files and meet with us at the Hokage tower tomorrow at 7 AM?"

Shion sighed. "I am sure my schedule is free at that time. I suppose we can go."

Shion rose and held out her hand. "It was an absolute _pleasure_ meeting you, Kotori-san. I wish you well on your journey to becoming a Konoha ninja, and I will see you tomorrow."

She exited the room with a flurry, leaving behind silence and the wavering scent of jasmine and gum.

I breathed deeply. My fingers trembled. _I'm going to meet the Hokage tomorrow. Fucking hell._

* * *

Kou walked me home. She bought me a popsicle "for my troubles".

"So. You scared?" Kou asked as we trudged down a hill. Leaves kissed the concrete. The abundant trees danced quietly through the soft zephyr. The sun was still out and sweat beaded at my forehead, my hair clinging to it.

"Yeah. I guess." I muttered. I finished off my popsicle and stuck the wet stick in my pocket. I hugged the book to my chest and sighed.

"I just… Yeah. I'm fucking scared. I'm _really_ fucking scared. I wanted to be a ninja to help my mother… that was my _job_ , that would've been lucrative enough to pay for the cure so my mother could live and see me… get married, have kids, succeed."

Kou took a thoughtful lick of her blueberry popsicle. "Ah. It's only natural for you to want that. My mother died. Nine-tail fox attack."

I winced. "Sorry."

She shrugged. "Ah. Whatever. I was, what…? Fourteen? Fifteen? It was tough, but that's what we have to endure. We have to persevere. Death is as common to us as… the sun shining in the morning, y'know? I mean, it was expected. So, it's cool that you're sacrificing yourself for your mother."

I kicked a pile of leaves. "I don't see it as that. I'm not _sacrificing_ myself. I'm just doing it for the money."

"That's odd. Y'know, I don't think I quite believe you," Kou said. She smirked.

"Why?" I queried, frowning.

"I don't think _anyone_ wants to do what _we_ do for 'the money'. Yeah, the money and helping your mother live is a huge plus, but… you want it for something else. I can tell." With that, Kou finished her popsicle and flashed her blue-tinted teeth at me.

I chewed on that the rest of the walk home. _I mean… I am doing it for the money. Why else would I do it?_

( _ **you're gonna make the money, save your mother, and retire after becoming Chuunin. You're going to marry, settle down, and take over Grandmother's bakery)**_

Why _else_ would I do it?

( _ **you're going to leave the rest of your money to your kids and die of ripe, old age. You'll want to be cremated. That's how you wanted it in your old life, to die in your sleep; so why not achieve it now?)**_

I'm not a monster. I don't _want_ to kill people. I'm just doing it for the money.

 _ **(... but truly…)**_

"This is your house, ne?" Kou nudged me. I looked up abruptly.

"Yup. Thanks, Kou-sensei. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Say hi to your mom for me, 'kay?" With that, Kou flung me her popsicle stick. I caught it and raised an eyebrow.

"Keep it. As a gift, I guess. I don't have anything to give you besides a doctor appointment and I'm not sure what you like. See you!"

I tucked the stained popsicle stick in my back pocket and entered the house.

"Mom? Grandma? I'm home!"

 _ **(... rather than let yourself perish…)**_

* * *

 _ **(... wouldn't you want to see**_

 _ **The world burn?)**_

* * *

 _Footnotes:_

 **Senhasu:** senhasu is 'thousand lotus' in Japanese, according to google translate, haha. It's actually _sahasrara_ , the chakra on top of your head. It's symbol is the thousand petaled lotus and it deals with consciousness and cognizance of one's soul and symbolizes rebirth _(wink wink)_.

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the late chapter! I've been really lazy in editing this. School is just taking a toll on my life. I'm a dramatic freshman, I know, but I'm so lazy now. I really cannot wait for the summer, because I'm not sure _how_ I'll be able to make it through!

I hope my explanations of 'senhasu' and 'third eye' were easy to comprehend? I tried to explain it as best as I could without sounding complicated and weird and stuff. This has ties w/ Hinduism I believe, which Kishimoto drew inspiration from when creating Naruto 'chakra'.


	8. - eight -

Jump!

 **Part 1: Yellow**

 **Arc 1:**

 _( it's The color of the comforting earth,_

 _the soil that births life,_

 _The color of your crush's eyes,_

 _of which scintillates under the sun rays and makes your heart cry_

 _The color of Her beautiful, beautiful teeth, which are stained from eating_

 _an entire tub of chocolate-brownie ice cream while she watches her favorite show,_

 _while you watch your favorite person,_

 _The color of his chakra, which tastes like aged wine,_

 _and brings you a refreshing, warm blanket_

 _in this cool world)_

Eight

* * *

"Where the _hell_ were you?"

I was immediately met with anger and fury. My mother's chakra sort of felt agitated, vibrating angrily. I sighed, slipped off my sandals, and entered the kitchen, the center point of the wrath.

My mother's onyx eyes were glowing with rage. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her ribcage, and her bottom lip jutted out. My grandmother sat on the table, clutching a cup of warm milk and pursing her lip in a fine line.

"I -"

"Don't talk. Kotori-chan, I'm… _disgusted_ with your behavior recently," Mother snapped. "I let you leisurely walk around town by yourself, which is stupid of me, but whatever. _Then_ I let you go to Ninja Academy, and God knows how I hate that. And I let you stay home from school when I know _damn_ well you're faking your 'illness', and you really are just being lazy! And despite my lax rules, you sneak out and disappear!"

I winced at her biting words. I carefully sat myself down. "Mother…"

"I'm not done," she growled. "I don't even… I came home from work, and you were _gone_. I was thought… well, whatever. I didn't go to work because of my worry and I lost any potential money I could have earned. My boss is pissed, and frankly, so am _I_."

I hung my head in shame. Guilt washed over me. My mother wasn't even on my mind when I went out today. I was being terribly selfish; all I thought about was _myself._

 _ **(in this world, who else can you think about?)**_

Well. Fair point.

I sucked on my bottom lip.

"I went to the hospital with my teacher," I murmured. I glanced up at her. Her features softened - just a bit. Anger was still sewn across her face. She exchanged confused glances with Grandma.

"Why?"

I paused, trying to summarize my 'condition' to someone who is completely clueless in chakra, let alone rumored third eyes.

I clasped my hands together and started from the beginning. My troubles with genjutsu, - which civilians somewhat know of - my brisk examination by a Hyuuga, Shion's diagnosis, the dangers, and my appointment with the Hokage.

My tongue was dry by the time I finished. I reached over and took a swig of Grandma's milk. She didn't react; she stared in horror ahead of her, her mind floating somewhere else.

Mother's mouth was shaped into a tiny _o_. "Wha…? You can _die_?"

She shakily sat herself down in front of me. In an abrupt movement, she buried her head in her hands. Her body quivered with sobs.

After a few minutes of silence, she slowly collected herself in front of my eyes. She lifted her head up and wiped her flushed skin. She sucked on her quivering bottom lip and wrung her hands.

"Okay. Okay, we can get… we can get through this." Her voice was shaky. I was curious as to who she was trying to convince; herself, or me?

I nodded. "I'm not worried. It's fine." _I died once. I can do it again_ , I thought comically.

She stared at me. "So. Appointment with Hokage. What time did you say again?"

* * *

Kou's soft voice was music to my ears in the morning. I was pissed because I wasn't able to jog this morning, but that quickly wavered, replaced by fear and excitement. I was fearful in actually sitting down, meeting, and conversing with an _actual canon character._ I worried he would just _know_. I would walk through, he would take one look at me, and call his ANBU guards.

" _This chick is masquerading as a five year old. She's a twenty-two year old who was reincarnated and knows all of our secrets. Kill her now."_

Yeah, I know that's unlikely, but I'm sure he's a perspective guy and would probably know I'm hiding a few things. It always went that way in fanfiction.

"Hello, Sorano-san! I'm Kou, Kotori-chan's teacher."

I shot Kou a look. Kiss-ass, maybe?

"Hello, Kou-san. It's a pleasure finally meeting you." Mother clutched her purse nervously. She was little uneasy around ninjas. Sure, she was glad they existed and thought they were cool and stuff, but she bristled at the sight of Kou's weapons pouch strapped to her thigh.

"Shall we go? Arakawa-sensei should be at the Tower any minute now. On the way, I could discuss our curriculum."

"That'd be lovely."

I stuffed my hands in my pockets. _Breathe. Breathe._ _ **Please. Breathe.**_

* * *

The waiting room brought me anxiety. We stood before the large, wooden doors that unlocked the Hokage's office. Pictures decorated the walls and the scent of chai tea and incense barely calmed me down. My stomach churned and I suddenly became very grateful that I skipped breakfast. I felt like puking, anyway. I tried to control my breathing, but to no avail.

Kou noticed my anxiety and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"He's not as scary as you think," she whispered. I gave her a shaky smile. Her words of comfort didn't do shit, but it was nice to know she cared.

The sound of heels clicking against the polished wooden floor signified Shion's entrance. She looked graceful as always. Her purple hair was smoothed into a swinging ponytail and her blue eyes were fixated on a sheet of papers she was hauling. She greeted us formally.

I glanced at the pictures hanging on the wall. A drawn portrait of Hashirama and Tobirama caught my eye. I stared at it in awe. They looked… beautiful. Animation didn't do them justice. The beautiful blend of yellow, blue, and green complemented Hashirama's brown complexion; his warm, chocolate long hair contrasted completely against Tobirama's cool, white locks. Tobirama's red, beady eyes locked onto mine. It took my breath away. Could an artist _truly_ have drawn that? It seemed unbelievable. It looked so _real._

The door swung open. An unfamiliar man clad in a flak vest greeted us. He recognized Kou and Shion instantly.

"The Hokage awaits," he said dramatically.

 _Oh, fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

My hands grew clammy. I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry.

"I've got to go to the bathroom," I slurred. My words fell on deaf ears. Mother instantly straightened and shouldered her purse; Shion shifted the stack of papers to the other hand and clutched it to her chest while she fixed her glasses. Kou perked up, tucked a lock of hair behind her ears, and smoothed her flak vest. My legs felt like jelly.

I felt a hand on my back. Mother's.

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

"Don't be shy, Kotori-chan," Mother told me. She gently pushed me forward into the office.

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck_ _ **Fuck**_

Kou and Shion instantly bowed. Mother followed in suit. Taking the cue, I quickly bowed my head so fast it felt like my neck was going to snap.

"Good morning, Sandaime-sama. It's a pleasure to see you once more," Shion said respectfully.

* * *

" _Good morning, Kou-san, Shion-san. What brings you here today?"_

* * *

His voice was nice. It was more comforting in reality than in the show.

It reminded me of **aged wine**. It commanded respect; it was loud, yet… warm. Like an old book with a slightly peeled cover, but you knew it was a good book, because despite it's age, it was a book you could read a thousand times, and…

What was I saying?

His voice. It put me at ease. I wondered if it came from being the ruler of the largest ninja village. I can only imagine a tone like that birthing from years and years of commanding a powerful military.

His chakra felt nice, too. Made me feel all warm, like I just downed a cup of coffee. It was an aged, burnt sienna. It was powerful, too. It was abundant and made me feel protected. Like a blanket, encasing me from the cool, bitter world. It was thick. The color was more concentrated, I felt. I don't know how I can see, or 'feel', colors of chakra, but I just do, and his is a brown.

His voice was nice.

I think I like brown now.


	9. - nine -

**Jump!**

 **Part 1: Yellow**

 **Arc 1**

Nine

* * *

The adults straightened. At this moment, I enjoyed being so short; the tall, seemingly titanic adults blocked my view of the sitting Kage. I breathed a sigh of relief. Avoiding the Hokage's glance took a weight off my chest.

Shion and Kou launched into an explanation. Kou described her findings and my struggles with genjutsu. Shion detailed my symptoms, my chakra coils, and my lack of tenketsu. She gently placed the stack of papers on his desk and slid him my x ray. It all happened so rapidly, I couldn't keep up. I wasn't sure Mother could, either. Caressing her neck uneasily, she shifted her weight. Her mouth was pressed into a fine line of worry, and she glanced around the room nervously; at the Chuunin posted behind us at the door, at the Chuunin resting near the Hokage's desk, at me, at the paintings on the wall, and at the plant perched in the corner of the room. She pulled her purse closer to her chest, like the two shinobi were plotting to snatch it.

After the pair finished, there was only silence. I chewed on my bottom lip anxiously. I couldn't see his face. What in the world was he thinking? Was there a look of bright incredulity embroidered across leathered face? Neutrality? Astonishment?

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he spoke. "Well, can I at least see the girl before you debrief me?"

I froze. My heart dropped and I felt like a deer caught in headlights again.

"Of course, Sandaime-sama," Kou replied obediently. She slid out of his view and before I knew it, I was thrusted into the spotlight.

The Hokage looked smaller than I thought. His Hokage hat was perched on his wooden desk, leaving his graying, balding hair exposed. His tan skin was gaunt and riddled with wrinkles; his white and red robe hung loosely over his body. The liver spots resting upon his wrinkled face accentuated his old age. His tiny, dark eyes rested upon me. His physical appearance didn't fool me, though. The utter chakra emanating from his tiny, nimble body verified his strength. I could see it - _taste it_ \- coursing through his veins. I melted in his beaming hot gaze. The only thing I could think about upon seeing him - his _actual_ body, not a colorful, exaggerated animation of him - was that he's going to die.

He smiled gently at me. Outside, the sun began to shine brighter, pouring in thin rays of yellow light. Yells and laughter from the outside signalled the village finally awakening.

"Sorano Kotori, was it?" he queried politely. _You will die, Hokage-sama._

I stared at him in astonishment. I had nothing else to say. I nodded. God, I felt like such a kid. I was an adult, yet I crumpled in his aura. I needed to buck up. I balled my skirt and swallowed.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," I said. I hated how my voice quivered. "I am Kotori."

He beamed. "It's nice to finally meet you. I see here…" he glanced at an open manila folder. It must have been my file; they have that on me, already? It made me nervous. What was on there, anyway? I'd have to ask Kou later.

"... that you're enrolled in the Academy - Class 5-B - and you're a pretty good student. Good job! You know, I was planning on visiting the school later this week. How do you like it so far?" His voice was as comforting as his chakra.

"It's good," I said. "I like it. I'm struggling in genjutsu," I added, hoping to refocus the conversation on the actual topic.

He straightened and his smile faltered. "Yes, it appears so. Can you tell me what exactly occurs when you're in a genjutsu - in your own words?" _In six or seven years, you will no longer live, Hiruzen._

"I'm still a little hazy on that. I have headaches whenever I mold my chakra, but the pain becomes excruciating when I'm in a genjutsu. During one of our first genjutsu sessions, I passed out due to the sheer amount of pain and I was unable to dispel it. I was forced to resort to harming myself. I bit my fingers, and it worked, but even so, I'm not sure I'd be able to do that if I was entrapped in a genjutsu without my knowledge, say on an actual battle.

"Subsequent to dispelling the genjutsu through pain, I fainted momentarily. Like Kou-sensei detailed earlier, it was about seventy seconds. I'd guess it had to do with the strain I put on my brain, or third eye, or something. I'm not too sure."

"Kou-san, you said that a Hyuuga claimed she had zero tenketsus near her rumored third eye and thus, a lack of chakra circulating through it?"

"Hai," Kou affirmed.

"And this Hyuuga said her _sen-hasu_ has an exorbitant amount?"

"Hai."

Sarutobi reclined in his seat with a contemplative look flashing across his face. He rubbed his chin.

"Kotori-chan, do you feel my chakra?" he suddenly inquired, propping his elbows on the desk and resting his clasped hands to his mouth.

I frowned, puzzled. "Um. Sure."

"Elaborate, if you can."

"In colors, I suppose. I can't _actually_ see your chakra. I'm not a Hyuuga. But I can feel… the color? Different signatures have different feelings and I'd assume my brain files this as… colors? I can't condense it into an accurate, coherent description, but… yours is brown. Mine is yellow, y'know? I just feel the color. It sounds stupid. Yours feel strong and… big. Like a sheet. Mine is sorta small and… puny."

He nodded. "You are a sensor type," he confirmed. "I understand your difficulty with explaining your feelings. I've worked with many sensor types. My master was one, as well. You'll find, as you grow, that you cannot categorize chakra sensing as one of the five senses. You were born with _a sixth sense_." He straightened once more and sighed. He clasped his hands together and his features hardened grimly.

"Now, according to her file, she's excelling in taijutsu and cruising by ninjutsu. Her chakra control is decent, although there is plenty of room for improvement. I cannot make precise predictions, but if she continues on this path, it appears that she'd grow into a fine kunoichi. Additionally, she may be a sensor type nin, and if she were to train under the guidance under another sensor type, she can successfully hone her skills and become an excellent tracking tool."

 _ **Tool.**_

"Her only obstacle is her lack of genjutsu skills. There isn't any way, yet, to regenerate your tenketsu nodes and permanently infuse chakra for one to use for the rest of their life, and if there were, it'd be unethical of me to recommend it of a six - no, my apologies, five year old. I'd wait for her to turn at least six and a half, where her chakra system is more developed during her period of growth. There is, of course, the possibility of puberty. While rare, there are a few cases of chakra pools growing exponentially during puberty, but if I take a look at her mother's family history, who is also being treated by you, Shion-san, there's a low chance of that happening.

"Her father's side may bring sunshine to this news, but her father -"

"Sandaime-sama, her father is absent," Mother hurriedly interjected. Silence ensued. I stared at Mother in confusion.

Mother hung her head. "Forgive me for the interruption. He's… absent."

Sarutobi held his gaze on her with an indecipherable glint in his eyes. He cleared his throat.

"-her father is absent, then."

 _Well, what about my father?_ I wondered.

"Now, there are a few possibilities to map out here. One, if by chance during pubertal growth her chakra stores burgeon and she begins circulating chakra around her brain, she'll be able to slowly but surely grasp genjutsu and dispel it. Problem solved. The only issue with that is it's extremely improbable; possibility of chakra growth is hereditary and tenketsu nodes are formed during fetal development. There's virtually no chance of them sprouting up when you're eight to twelve. But, of course, the possibility exists, because weirder things have occurred around here.

"Two, your tenketsu nodes never develop and you remain unable to practice and dispel genjutsu. This is most likely. We pull you out of the program due to the extremely high chance of your death occurring. Kotori-chan, I really hate to be so blunt, but in a fight, if an enemy were to use genjutsu, you would die. Either they would incapacitate you and leave you with potentially brain frying injuries - you would become ineffective - or your 'excruciating' headaches would also incapacitate you, rendering you the inability to fight and leaves an opening for your enemy to attack. Missions protecting highly classified information would be detrimental and scrolls and secrets would be exposed. In this chance, we pull you out of the program."

 _ **Tools get tossed in the garage when they begin to rust. Ineffective tools get thrown away.**_

"Three, your tenketsu nodes never develop and you remain unable to practice and dispel genjutsu. _However_ , you hone in your other abilities; you practice taijutsu and ninjutsu extensively to make up for your disability. You train to become a skilled sensory type and you are able to function, fight, survive, and thrive well. We do not pull you out of the program and we give you a chance. With this possibility, it involves exhaustive hard work and an iron-strong will."

He finished and sat back. And with that, he figuratively "dropped the mic".

A hush fell over us. I was utterly shocked with the influx of knowledge. I didn't know how to… how to even _dissect_ that. The three possibilities loomed over me. Sure, possibility one would be nice, but how likely is that? Then again, how likely is being born without all 361 tenketsu nodes? The second possibility is daunting. The reason I chose this shitty career was because I wanted to pay for Mother's cure. The treatment wouldn't hold her forever, and being a kunoichi was lucrative. The third option was attractive but it included strenuous work and a strong resolve that I didn't think I had, and there was a tiny chance that I might not even be able to live.

"Now, I'll leave your mother to choose. It is, of course, up to her," Sarutobi added.

"I…" I spluttered. What did I have to say? All the questions I had shriveled up.

"Hokage-sama, do you recommend we pull her out of the program?" Kou asked.

He hummed and tapped his fingers on his polished desk. "That's a good inquiry. I can't ignore her potential. It's not common to be a sensor type and if she thrives, she'd fit nicely on a tracking squad. She seems good at taijutsu at this point, so she isn't completely… ah, ' _hopeless'_. It'd be idiotic of me not to let this harvest, but it's ultimately her and her mother's choice. At this point, I'd say: no. Do not pull her out."

I felt myself wash over with relief. Thank God. _**(We can be a tool! We can be a tool!**_ )

"However -" he held up a hand when Kou breathed a sigh of solace, "- I would like to monitor her progress. Kou, would you mind setting up a monthly report for me? Detail her progress in taijutsu, buukijutsu, ninjutsu, whatever jutsus there are. I'd like to see a day-by-day entry in the report. Arakawa-san, I'd like for you to take Kotori-chan as your patient. I want a monthly report as well on her health, anything from sickness, growth, new symptoms, even if she sneezes the wrong way, I want you writing it. Do you both understand?"

"Hai!" they chorused in obedience.

"H… Hokage-sama," I stammered. "We… We don't have… we can't quite afford monthly doctor appointments."

"It's quite alright, Kotori-chan. The village will cover the expenses."

" _Really_?" I gaped widely at him.

He smiled, then turned to Mother.

"Is that quite alright for you, Hotaru-san? If you would prefer for Kotori-chan to be pulled out of the Ninja Academy, I would dismantle all of this. No more reports, tedious doctor appointments…" he eyed her carefully.

 _Oh. I see what he's doing._

He's taking advantage of the fact that poor people don't have access to healthcare. I haven't been to a doctor since my infanthood and he probably knows that Mother won't be able afford frequent doctor appointments. Monthly visits tremendously heightens the chances of me being healthier and monitored by a trained doctor; additionally, Mother probably has fear of me inheriting her PTD. Constant observations by Shion would quell her worry of my potentially faulty health, exacerbated by my recent disability. He's clever. This almost guarantees her agreement and compliance. She's probably uneasy of my ninja career - what civilian, single mother isn't? On the other hand, _no_ civilian, financially disadvantaged single mother would selfishly turn down free and full healthcare.

He _is_ a politician, after all. Gotta use the people's fears to manipulate them and get what you want, right? In this case, does he want _me_? Does he want me as a potential tool? _Sensor types are rare, like he said_.

I tore my gaze away from her and stared at my shoes. Everyone's eyes were on her, pressuring her; it made her tense. I could already sense her swirling chakra growing rigid, like water freezing into a block of ice. I didn't want to contribute to the army of stares.

"I… M-monthly appointments, you say? Covered completely by the… by the village?" she hesitated.

He nodded. "You won't pay a dime, if that's what you're worried about. Arakawa-san will oversee her."

I heard shuffling. I swallowed harshly.

 _Mother…_

She glanced at Shion and chewed on her bottom lip. After some thought, she spoke. "Okay. Okay. She can… okay. I agree."

I whirled around and stared at her in awe.

 _Mother?_

She looked like she was going to be sick. She flashed me an awkward, uncomfortable smile.

Guilt tugged at my heartstrings. I wanted to run over to her and hug her tight, tell her it's all okay, that this is only temporary, _and that I'm doing this for her, just like she's doing this for me._

"Okay, it's settled. Thank you, Hotaru-san. A quick reminder that this is just a preliminary draft. I have to run it through my advisors and see if they approve. Now, before you all go, I'd like for this to remain strictly classified. No one in else in the room can know about this condition."

Kou looked at him quizzically, but she didn't say anything.

He caught her look and smiled apologetically. "It's preventative measures. If word gets out that one of our future shinobi is extremely susceptible and defenseless against genjutsus, enemies surely would not hesitate to take advantage of that. Everywhere Kotori-chan goes, she'd be besieged with genjutsus. At least, if she's able to pursue a ninja career, she'd have the advantage of ignorance from other nations."

We all nodded.

"No one can know about this. Kou-san, you said Hyuuga Natsuhi is aware? Have you told anyone else?"

"No, I have not. Only us in the room and Natsuhi are aware of Kotori's condition."

"Okay. In the future, Kotori-chan, your genin team and Jonin instructor will be notified about your condition. My advisors and select Jonin will also be briefed." He paused in thought.

"Raidou, please go find Natsuhi and inform her of our conditions."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Raidou, a Chuunin standing near the Hokage's desk, put his hands together in a seal. In a flashy burst of smoke, he disappeared. Mother stifled a gasp in her throat.

"I hope these conditions are suitable for all of you," Sarutobi said. He stood up and stretched. He let out an undignified groan. Walking over to me, he knelt down to meet me height.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Kotori-chan. I'll see you next month." He held out his hand and I tentatively shook it. He smiled and nodded to everyone else.

"If you all don't mind, I'd fancy a cup of tea." With that, he quietly walked out.

* * *

The walk home from the meeting was filled with tension and silence. I was still processing the fact that I _met the Hokage_. It was wild. He was… like a _god._ He was insanely powerful, and the fact that I met a _dead man walking_ was chilling.

Mother was the first to speak up. We were nearing our home. She paused in front of me. "I'm sorry," she said. She dug her hands in her pockets and kicked a pile of crispy leaves away.

I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry, too. The fight we had… Mom, it was stupid. I was being a brat."

"Sometimes I forget you're five, almost six, and I'm too harsh on you," she rambled. Her bottom lip quivered. She brought her finger to it and sighed. "I'm sorry. I know you're worried and… traumatized after seeing me…"

"It's okay," I hugged her, and after a moment of tentative hesitation, she hugged me back, too.

It was as if all the worries engulfing me slowly melted away. My mother's arms, wrapped around me, our chakras coiling together, made a world of a difference.

* * *

Winter was upon us. The trees were naked and shivering in the cool wind. The warm, tropical temperature began to shrivel up and drop. Even my turtleneck wasn't keeping me warm enough. The birds had begun to flock south, and Konoha citizens already started to excitedly talk about the _Rinne Festival_ **(1)**. To my limited knowledge, it was a festival akin to Christmas; individuals exchanged gifts, wore formal kimonos and purchased sweets, danced to music, and livened the village.

Class 5-B was brimming with excitement. The Festival was a few weeks away, and my peers were raving about it at lunch.

"Mama bought me a brand new kimono," Hikari swaggered, "it's beautiful. It's made of silk and looks like little snowflakes. It compliments my eyes perfectly!"

"Dad says he'll give me lots and lots of candy. I never get to eat any. I'm so excited."

"...y'know that girl in 6-A? I'm gonna ask her out. Yeah, she's an Inuzuka, but I think she'll say -"

I quietly walked over to the amused Kou.

"Going with anyone?" I asked.

"Kotori-chan, why are you in an adult's business? Go ask a kid or something."

I looked at her with a blank look.

She crossed her arms and smirked. "Well, if you're _dying_ to know… I'm not going with anyone."

I put a hand to my chest in faux astonishment. "The great Kou- _sama_ is dateless? I'm shocked!"

Kou rolled her eyes. "I'm not interested in men, right now. In my age group, all the shinobis are angsty and worried about… death," she whined. She scrunched her face into a grimace and deepened her voice to mimic a male's. She planted her hand on her chest in theatrical angst. "' _My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm too ninja-y, nooo! My teammate died, I swear off love! I can't believe my grandmother died, I'm going celibate_!' And the civilians are worse. Male civilians seem to be intimidated by kunoichis."

I smiled. "You'll find someone eventually, Kou-sensei. Keep looking. Perhaps from another village?"

Kou rolled her eyes again and scoffed. "Kiri ninjas are ugly and they're teeth are too sharp for for kissing and a bit too unhinged for my liking. Suna nin are too far _and_ aren't the most attractive out of the bunch, Iwa nin are pretty stocky and I don't like how they smell, and Kumo nin… well the men aren't too bad, but they go too fast and are too obnoxious."

"Too fast in what?" I asked in faux innocence.

"You'll know when you're older." She plopped down in her chair and ran her fingers through her hair. "So, I'll be going with a good friend - if she isn't too busy smacking face with her boyfriend or on a mission. She's trying to become a Jounin, but I'm trying to tell her she should play it safe. She's pushing it too hard. She's invested in two things: her brain dead beau and attaining a Jounin status. Well, if she comes, I might introduce her to you. Anyways, go sit down. Lunch is over."

Sure enough, she picked up a book and slammed it on the desk. The class jumped in alarm and immediately silenced.

"Okay, I know you all are excited, but it's time for weapons handling!"

The room rang with groans and grumbles. We all went over to the weapons' box, grabbed five shuriken each, and shuffled outside.

The cold air was biting at my throat. I wished I had a scarf at the moment. I enviously glowered at the other girls, pink scarfs snugly wrapped around their necks and mittens shielding their hands from the snow. Grandmother promised to knit me one but the bakery had been super busy; apparently, before the Festival, people wanted to stock up on foods. She excitedly rambled about the possibility of the village using her bakery as a caterer for the Festival. If they did, we'd be _set_. A shopping spree, Mother's cure paid off, and a little money left over to buy gifts for the Festival.

We all lined up to our individual tree. I watched as my peers attempted to fling shuriken at the target etched onto the tree. They failed miserably.

I knitted my eyebrows together. _This_ was the civilian class; all twelve of them, grunting as the shuriken they slung whizzed past the target and falling pathetically to the ground. I wished I was more social. I would give them pointers and teach them how to be stronger. Perhaps they'd have a chance of achieving their dreams.

Shaking my head, I planted my shoes a few feet away from the tree. Keeping my arm rigid, I clutched the shuriken and stiffly chucked it. With a _clop!_ The weapon lodged itself near the target. I sucked my teeth. I was close.

The color of Kou's chakra was approaching. I turned around, and sure enough, Kou was nearing me, her hands nonchalantly shoved in her pockets.

"You're doing good," she noted.

I bit my bottom lip. "Yeah, thanks, but I didn't hit a target yet. I need to do better."

"You can't be too hard on yourself," she said. "You're a good student. Relax instead of being so…. Stiff."

She placed her hands on my head and slightly tilted it up. She placed my right foot a few inches behind my left. She fixed my fingers near the hole of the shuriken and turned my waist a few centimeters, facing the tree trunk.

"Okay. Try it. Keep your form a bit more relax. Try inhaling and then throw. Oh, and instead of throwing _over_ , like you're flinging a pen, throw it _under_ , like a frisbee. And slightly flex your knees."

I frowned and followed her instructions. I took a few seconds to breathe deeply. I bent my knees ever so slightly and tossed the shuriken. I waited with a bated breath as it sliced through the air. To my surprise and satisfaction, the glinting weapon wedged itself on the target.

I grinned. "Thanks, Kou-sensei," I beamed, clasping my hands together. _Okay, now do that five more times._

I bent down to grab another shuriken but she stopped me.

"I didn't approach you to help your throwing skills," she admitted. She fished a paper out of her pocket and handed it to me. "We have a Hokage appointment after school."

I tilted my head. Cleaning the shuriken with the ends of my shirt, I frowned at her. "Why? It hasn't even been two weeks. I thought I was supposed to see him every month?"

She shrugged. "Dunno either. I'm confused myself. We'll go together, so stay after class. Your mother has been informed by a Chuunin, so she'll meet us there."

I nodded. "O… okay," I murmured, and returned back to weapons throwing.

That's peculiar. Why do we have to meet him again? He _did_ say he had to go over my case and his proposal with his advisors. I recalled it was those two old geezers: the woman and the man. Yeah, I forgot their names. Sue me.

This troubled me. Perhaps they were against his idea and wanted me pulled out of the program? If that was the case, then… I'm fucked. No more free health care and no more Academy. And, honestly? Training to become a ninja is fun. It's more amusing than wasting myself away in a civilian school, relearning everything I _already_ learned back in my old world, only for me to become a carpenter, or a dentist, or some stupid shit like that. I mean, I _could_ revolutionize our society by stealing ideas from my old world. Maybe recreate the Apple phone (which I didn't know how to do) or write the Harry Potter novels (does this world even _have_ computers? Writing a three hundred page novel with a paper and pencil is _so_ medieval). Learning to become a ninja was reminiscent to my volleyball days; the exercises, the laps around the school that got my blood pumping, the weapon throwing that was oddly similar to chucking a ball to your teammate who was feets away from you, the sparring that got your adrenaline rushing, the pain that came from winning a game… would I attain that same spark in civilian school?

No. I wouldn't. I tossed another shuriken. The weapon embedded itself in the red target. I clenched my jaw. Whatever _they_ have to say about me, I wouldn't care. Screw the council. I'm staying.

* * *

I could see their chakra. Sort of. Murky browns the color of rich cognac and… an extra signature. I frowned, trying to sense it. Who was that in there? I tried recalling the advisors from the show. There were only two old geezers, right? Perhaps it as a Chuunin? No, it couldn't be; this chakra… it felt old and powerful, completely opposite to the youthful Chuunins the Hokage kept around.

We were behind the terra cotta door again. My hand was clasped into Mother's. She didn't seem as anxious this time, but I could still feel her curiosity and confusion. I wondered if she was worried they would snatch my free doctor appointments. I was, too.

The door opened. Raidou opened the door.

"They will see you now," he informed us politely. We filed in, bowed, and stood by.

I studied each and every advisor sitting next to the Hokage. I recognized the woman -the possessor of the coppery-like chakra. Her gray hair was smoothed into a bun, secured by a single, embellished senbon. Wrinkles didn't take away from her beauty, and her glowing skin and poised posture indicated she was a gorgeous kunoichi in her prime. To the right of her, a familiar man clad in white robes and glasses sat. His chakra felt - or appeared to be? - a weary amber. His brown eyes were beady, darting around the room and scanning each of our faces.

To the left of the Hokage, sat another familiar man. Bandages coiled around the half of his head like albino snakes; an 'X' shaped scar marked his callous and pale skin. He appeared uninterested; his eyes were shut and he looked tranquil, as if he were sleeping.

My heart dropped and I felt my world turn. _Danzou? How the fuck did I forget him?_

Forget about Sarutobi; meeting _Danzou_ was on an entirely different level. He was wicked, manipulative, _psychotic_. He was arguably - directly or indirectly - responsible for almost every catastrophic event that occurred in the series. He was somewhat responsible for the _Uchiha Massacre_ and manipulated a _teenager_ into murdering his _own family._ He was the epitome of evil. Fuck Madara, this shithead was on a completely different _astral plane._

My heart began beating erratically in my chest. I felt like I was going to die, standing here under their gazes. I was choking under the presence of _him._

Sarutobi was the first to speak up.

"Good afternoon, everyone. Kotori-chan, have you been doing well in school?"

 _Calm down. Answer his question. Don't show your fear. They smell it._

I blinked. I need to calm down. I was going mad under the spotlight. Why did he have to ask me a question?

My eyes darted from Danzou to Sarutobi, to the portrait of Hashirama hung on the wall, back to Danzou, to the bust of Hiruzen, and back to Danzou.

"F… fine," I stammered. My voice quivered. _Calm down. Calm down. They smell fear like dogs, and they take advantage of you._

I kept my eyes to the polished wooden floor. Don't look. Don't look. They smell -

"These are my advisors - Mitokado Homura, Utatane Koharu, and… Shimura Danzou."

 _I know. I fucking know that, and I know that you can smell my fear like a pack of wolves, and_

"I've debriefed them on your little situation," he continued.

The woman spoke up. I didn't dare look up.

 _ **( they smell your fear, they can taste it, they enjoy it, they're like wolves, you need to run and leave, RUN and leave, RUN and)**_

"Your condition is quite perplexed and intricate. We've reviewed the various forms documenting your disability, Kou-san's reports on your genjutsu, and Arakawa-san's diagnosis. It's incredibly troubling, and in any circumstances, we would have yanked you out of the Ninja program," she chimed in.

"However, you _are_ excelling in taijutsu. According to Kou, you're doing well in weapons handling and you are at the top of the class. Additionally, you appear to be a sensory type. It would be absolutely foolish of us to refuse your right to becoming a ninja, so we came to a compromise. You will be under a temporary probationary period where we will strictly monitor your progress. Mediocre grades will not be tolerated and neither will undesirable behavior."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I kept my eyes averted.

 _ **(RUN)**_

"However, we all unanimously agreed to -"

"What I want to know," a silky, low voice interjected, "is why… you have the audacity… to not look at us when we talk… little girl?"

* * *

 _White._

White is often depicted as being pretty and pure. White skin. White teeth. White wedding dresses. White flowers. Painted white, nude angels frolicking in the white clouds with rosy pink lips, flushed cheeks, and gold hair. Purity, beauty, innocence. Why?

His chakra was white.

It was white and frothy. It was pallid and sickly. It wasn't the color of pretty, soft snow. It was the color of a blizzard, thick sheets of ice that killed silently. The color of white-hot rage, the rage that killed you, the dangerous rage that built gradually and lunged at you while you were enchanted by its color. The color of silent anger, the anger that didn't speak, that didn't scream, that didn't even whisper - it coiled around you and choked you with its sheer presence. It was the color of a purged, sterile environment, wiping the slate clean of any empathy, emotions, or humanity.

His chakra was white.

* * *

Panic settled in. My face prickled with humiliation and pure fear. My throat was dry and my lunch was churning in my stomach.

 **(** _ **RUN**_ **!)**

My eyes were heavy. I felt dizzy. I needed to go to the bathroom. I wanted to say that, but my chapped lips were glued shut.

I slowly moved my eyes up.

 _ **(HIDE! THEY SMELL)**_ Whispers. Tiny whispers of warning curling around my brain. I was frozen in time, and he was staring at me and sizing me up and smelling my fear and they smell your fear _and he can sense everything he KNOWS_

His eyes were open. They were boring into me like curious, burning daggers. They burnt a hole into my forehead. It was like he was scouring my body, rummaging through my mind - trying to find _something, something,_ but what?

 **(** _ **HE SMELLS FEAR!**_ **)**

"I…"

The door burst open. I whirled around. Natsuhi stood there ( _ **with pretty white eyes**_ ), breathing deeply. When she noticed us gawking at her, she abashedly straightened. Smoothing her clothes, she bowed.

"Forgive me, Hokage-sama. I had a clan meeting I had to attend to." Her voice sliced the thick, spuming tension.

"It's quite alright," Sarutobi assured her, "May I assume it was about…?"

She met his eyes. Something flashed across her flushed face. "Hai."

He nodded. "We were just getting to that. Koharu, you were saying?"

Koharu paused. Her eyes bounced from Danzou and me. She cleared her throat.

"Ah, yes. We've decided, although you are to continue attending the Academy, that you shall be moved up."

"Pardon?" I queried, confused. I hated how my voice was still hoarse and shaky, riveting from lingering fear.

"It is an injustice to keep you in Class 5-B when you have exceeded the requirements. We have promoted you to Class 4-A, taught under Hyuuga Natsuhi," she said. "It is an advanced class, so the curriculum is fast paced and should keep you adequately challenged."

I turned back to Natsuhi. Her face was impassive and she ignored my gaze.

"I… What about Kou-sensei?" I asked. _This is what I wanted all along, right? To be taken seriously? To advance, to move up, to show this village what I'm about. Why did I feel like puking right now?_

"She will no longer be your instructor," Homura answered. "She is to continue teaching class 5-B."

"Thank you, but… wouldn't it be difficult? I mean, it's the middle of the year, and -"

"-Natsuhi will give you textbooks and a summary of what she'll be teaching. Tomorrow is your last day in 5-B. On Monday, you will be officially enrolled in 4-A," Homura interjected.

 _Kou._ I glanced at her. She looked straight ahead, unexpressive.

"Okay," I said. "Thank you very much."

"We have decided tutelage under Natsuhi-san was beneficial to you. She possesses the Byakugan, and would be able to monitor any development regarding your… disability. The curriculum best suits your needs and it may be easier for you to socialize with peers who are on the same level as you. We have read reports from Kou and your kunoichi class instructor, and we are aware of your socializing difficulties. Perhaps this will be good for you. Once more, you are on probation; any unsatisfactory behavior or signs that you are unable to catch up, and we will convene another meeting to discuss your fate."

"Thank you," I repeated monotonously.

 _Why did they_ really _want me in a different class?_ I wondered. Was it to see how I stacked up against the prodigies? Was it to see my true potential? Or did they truly want me to succeed?

I scoffed at the latter. As if. _Every_ decision is meticulous and is a cover for an ulterior motive.

"Very well. Natsuhi-san will be delivering monthly reports to Hokage-sama rather than Kou-san. Monthly appointments with Arakawa-san will continue. We expect the best from you. Dismissed."

We all turned on our heel and meandered out the office.

Mother wrapped her arm around me, holding me close. She stopped me in my tracks and bent down.

"How about we get you something sweet?" she whispered. "How about some ice cream?" Her voice brought sweetness to my ears, curing my bitter, troubled mind.

"It's okay. Save your money, I'm fine, really…"

She rolled her eyes, got up, and led me to a nearby ice cream shop, ignoring my protests. I stifled my smile. Even though she wasn't a sensor type, she could still automatically sense when something was wrong.

"What would you like to order?" an old, smiling woman queried politely.

"Do you have mint?" I asked, resting my tiny hands on the polished counter.

She frowned. "I'm very sorry, little one, but today was a very busy day. We only have vanilla, is that okay?"

We agreed reluctantly, got our ice cream, and made our way home. I stared into the bowl of my ice cream in… disgust? It served a stark reminder of the frightening chakra I sensed, of which circulated in Danzou's body. It made me shiver. It made me want to puke.

 _He's dangerous._

( _ **... he smelled your fear, Ko… to… ri…)**_

 _He's wicked, something only the deepest depths of hell can procure._

 _ **(... and we know what they say about dogs…)**_

"What's wrong with the ice cream, Kotori-chan? Are you not hungry?"

I snapped out of my thoughts. My mouth grew dry, and I tried to shake off the lingering coat of Danzou's chakra. It clung to me like the scent of cigarettes. It would take eight showers just to scrub it off of me.

"No. It's fine," I lied, and shoved a spoonful in my mouth.

 _ **(... like a bloodhound, once he catches a whiff,**_

 _ **He'll never give up,**_

 _ **Ko… To… Ri…)**_

* * *

 **END OF ARC I**

* * *

 **Author's Note:** … and Arc 1 is COMPLETED!

So, uh, sorry about the wait. I don't have an excuse, to be quite honest. I just didn't feel like writing. BUT I'm back on track, and I'm ready to delve into the world of Naruto once more!

Just a quick funny anecdote, I tried watching the Boruto movie with my brother… and I felt disgusted. I'm sorry to people who like it, 'cuz I'm about to shit talk it, but that movie is absolute trash. Why do the characters look like tadpoles? Why is Boruto so ridiculously OP? Why has Naruto abandoned ALLLLL his values on family? Who even are these characters any more? /rant from a bitter ex-Naruto fan.

All jokes aside, don't kill me if updates are less frequent. I might have to quit weekly updates. HS is kicking my ass (I'm a freshman :[ ) esp. 3rd quarter and my grades are disgusting right now. My english class is also suffocating me and I'm hit with a shit ton of tedious work, SOOOO I might have time to finish a chapter… what, every two weeks? I dunno. But thanks for reading and please review! :)

 **ALSO** I'm thinking of naming my chapters. Like instead of just /chapter 10/ I actually name them. /chapter 10: the fish/ or whatever. What do y'all think? Keep it simple? Name it? Let me know!


	10. - ten -

Jump!

PART 1: Yellow

Arc 2:

Chapter Ten:

* * *

 **(... this is where our dreams die…)**

A dream.

 **(You're being taught one hundred-and-one ways to kill a man…)**

I had a dream once.

 **(Under the guise of sticky, sweet patriotism…)**

A full ride to a university of my choice.

Volleyball Scholarship.

Psych major.

Becoming a child psychologist.

 **(Thrust into the cold, fucked up world, the taste**

 **Of blood**

 **At the tip**

 **Of your tongue…)**

Settling with three kids.

Living in the suburbs.

You know?

The white picket fence.

Becoming a PTA mom.

Packing PB&J lunches for my kids.

 **(You have the taste of power at your fingertips.)**

I wouldn't be like my parents.

I'd be different. I'd bathe my

Children with attention,

Attention I seldom received.

 **(Your life would be different.**

 **Showered with attention.**

 **Spilling deep, dark, gut-wrenching secrets.**

 **The power to change the fucking world.)**

Who wouldn't want that?

 **(Who wouldn't want that?)**

* * *

" _Kotori, what happened to your leg?!"_

"Taijutsu match. I lost. I need practice."

" _This is the second - no, third - time you've come home with some injuries. What are they teaching you at this school, anyway?!"_

"How to win. Can you get the hydrogen peroxide for me? I don't want this wound to get infected."

* * *

The Hokage looked tired. His office was cold. I tried not to shiver. I wasn't sure if it was because of the temperature or his sheer presence.

"I see you're struggling in taijutsu," he noted, peering down at the files.

"I'm trying," I said, folding my hands. "I'm trying my best."

"I know you are." Smoke swirled around his face. He cleared his throat. "The end-of-the-year exam, as you know, will be focused around taijutsu…"

"It doesn't matter who wins, what matters is technique," I finished. "I understand. I'm trying my best."

"I understand your difficult situation. You don't have much resources to study or practice on. Have you made any friends?"

"Yes." (Lie.)

"One of the teachers have started a club for underprivileged students who have meager resources," he slid me the bright yellow card. I glanced at it.

 _ **SHINOBI CLUB**_

 _ **Academy students welcome**_

 _ **Taijutsu practices, meditation sessions, genjutsu sessions, and ninjutsu tutoring**_

 _ **Meet in Class 6-I at 0300 PM. Don't be late!**_

 _ **We'll have snacks and drinks on the first meeting. Come if you need help!**_

"It'd be a good idea to join."

"Okay, I will." (Another lie.)

"You can benefit from this. You can improve and become stronger."

"I'll try my best."

* * *

Four months.

Four months, I've been in 4-A.

I'm not going to lie, smile through gritted teeth, and pretend my days in 4-A have been peaches and rainbows.

The curriculum is fast-paced. The students are smarter, more advanced, more _sober_. Clan robots indoctrinated to _train, train, train_ , train until their hands bleed, until they develop callouses, until they tear their muscle fibers so much that they can barely move, and then to do it all again the next day. Spawns of shinobi parents juggling the boulder-like pressure of expectations.

It was like being immersed into an entirely different world. I could barely keep up. I felt weak. I felt like an outcast, even though I really wasn't (was I?). I felt like I was beneath them, so inferior, just because the Genetic Lottery cursed me with ordinary civilian parents. I didn't have a kekkei genkai, or some cool, exclusive clan jutsu. I didn't have a conspicuous tattoo on my face that proudly brandished my clan. I didn't have a tight knit family that taught me just how to punch, kick, and dodge.

I decided to keep to myself again. Although these kids - without a doubt - were on a thoroughly different maturity level in comparison to class 5-B, it still felt _creepy_ to interact with them. I could barely keep up with this facade of being a - now - six year old. What would I even talk about with another six year old child? Aren't they supposed to be in kindergarten or something?

Huh. These _children_ are wielding honed knives and powerful kicks, and they're only in _kindergarten._ I still can't get used to this world.

* * *

"How was school?" Grandmother asked as I entered the house. The smell of freshly baked cookies wafted through the air. My mouth instinctively watered - her cookies were to _die for_ \- but I stifled the urge to jump in the kitchen. She was in there, her hands dusted with flour, rolling thick dough on a cutting board. The kettle screeched unpleasantly. Her dark mane, sifted with silver hairs that timidly indicated her age, was pulled back into a loose bun.

"Good," I said absentmindedly, kicking off my shoes. Mud and mof dirt spew around our creaky, wooden floors. I glanced at my "blue" sandals, if you could even call it that anymore. Soil and other unnamed substances had dried onto it, the indigo color oxidizing to a dirty, gross brown. I cringed. It was a stark reminder of my activity in school, splashing around in the moist soil, flinging weapons and maneuvering punches during our sparring sessions.

"Did you make friends?"

I rolled my eyes behind her back. She's been asking me this question since I started, and the answer was the same. "No."

She turned around and pouted. She wiped her flour dusted hands on her pants and walked over to me. I avoided her ebony gaze. A sigh escaped her lips.

"You have to _try_ , Kotori-chan," she told me. She cupped my chin. "You have to put an _effort_. Are the kids mean, or something?"

"No," I replied. I decided to focus my gaze on my feet. Dirt accumulating behind my toenails and the soles of my feet. An old scab was beginning to darken. I fought the urge to pick it.

"Are you shy?"

"No."

A pregnant pause passed between us. The kettle's screech grew in pitch. Was it going to burst, or something? All of a sudden, I kept picturing the kettle exploding, some way, somehow, and all of the boiling hot tea splashes everywhere, including on us. I envisioned Grandma recoiling in shock, abandoning our 'conversation', and rushing to the kitchen. Maybe that'll teach her not to grill me about having friends.

Finally, she released another sigh. "You're acting different, little one," she murmured, peering into my eyes, searching for something, _something_ \- child-like innocence? Pensive sadness? Corpulent guilt? Whatever she was seeking, she would not find.

I kept my lips glued shut. It felt like I _swallowed_ glue. I wasn't sure what was going on with me, either. I felt different. I acted different. I felt _drained._

Four months in Class 4-A really made me _different_? Or perhaps I've been an outcast, the odd one out, all along?

* * *

Memories from my past life. My old soul. When my soul was new and tempered. My old life arrived in flashes. When I awoke, it dispersed. I couldn't cling to anything tangible.

My old life visited me one night. I saw tiny specks, like I was fast forwarding through a movie, sporadically pausing it. My peppermint blue bedroom. My ivory white, meticulously polished furniture. My four-thousand-and-something square foot house. My trophies and medals, gleaming under the sprinkles of sunlight, brandished proudly in the dining room (for what?). The smell of lamb-chops and potatoes, the scent of warm, artificial cinnamon, the scent of Daddy's Clive Christian's cologne that danced around him.

My mother's heart-shaped face, polished off to perfection, thanks to her expensive facial masks, cleansers, and her skilled esthetician. Pearly whites that were shamelessly exposed whenever she flashed her megawatt smile; veneers, I believe, and braces in her adolescence. She never failed to wear her retainer.

It was pristine perfection. The 'creme de la creme'. The 'ne plus ultra'. (I got an A in AP French. Could you tell?) I think. I hoped. My family hoped. But I can almost see, taste, feel my disappointment, my unsettlement, my discomfort with my old life. Something was wrong with this picture. It was a conspicuous smudge. Something was _wrong_ with this 'critically-acclaimed' movie called my life. _Something was wrong, and I can't remember what._

The strain of thinking jolted me awake. And akin to thin smoke, my memories dissipated once more.

* * *

The pressure of exams was looming over us. It was a taijutsu match this time (wasn't it some clone jutsu, or something, in the show?) Pass it, and you move on. You are rewarded with a higher level. You're closer and closer to becoming a cold-hearted killer, forced to swallow down your emotions and fear. You'll get the coveted hitai-ate, where you are (somewhat) permanently branded with the pride of your village. You'll get to explore and leave the comfortable walls of the village.

 _You're a big kid now! You're not a child anymore, you've matured!_ It's a rite of passage for students, like getting your period or buying your first B cup bra. You get to experience leaping from tree branch to tree branch, the freedom of the sirocco licking your cool skin.

You're closer and closer to becoming a cold-hearted killer.

* * *

Our last spar before our final exams. Before we're picked out of the litter - which one of us would be moving on. I was fighting an Inuzuka. What was her name again? It was odd, seeing them in real life. Seeing a tiny brown pup safely burrowed into their hoodie. Their cocky, arrogant smirk was distinguishable, almost as much as the purple marks etched onto their face.

She narrowed her eyes at me, seemingly calculating my next move.

She lunged at me, one arm held taut to defend and the other balled into a tight, sweaty fist to offend.

One foot behind the other. Prepare yourself. She's coming.

I already have a grim reminder of my 'reward' if I was caught slipping and lost; a wound inscribed on my knee, generously bestowed upon me by a smug Yamanaka.

She came faster than I thought she would. I staggered back, just in time to evade her punch. Ouch. That would have been a tooth-knocker.

She was relentless and determined. She seemingly glided across the sand as if it were ice to deliver another punch to my stomach, but I blocked it with my arms just in time. We both grimaced; her bony knuckles met my bony arms, delivering an electrifying pay-back. Her punch sent a rattling shock through my teeth. I gritted my teeth.

The little brat cornered me into being solely on the defense. She was quick on her feet, ready to shower me with punches and kicks. I had no time to retaliate.

Curse this skinny, tiny body! If I had the athletic prowess that took me _years_ to develop from volleyball, this fight would have been over the minute Natsuhi said 'start'.

 _ **(Power.)**_

The little Inuzuka - what was her name again? - was coming once more. A smirk was plastered on her face. The message in her glimmering brown eyes was clear: _I got you now. It's over._

 _ **(You want power….)**_

 _ **(... Why don't you seek it?)**_

* * *

The ball was thrown into the air. It was a meteor, hurtling towards my side of the court. My toes anticipated the jump before my brain did. Sweat slipped off my brow. I jumped, my heart pumping in my throat. The ball licked my fingertips and ricocheted. My fingers danced and buzzed with the impact, and the ball shot back towards the opponent.

 _Jump!_

* * *

I jumped. I don't know why, or how, because my tiny little brain didn't even register the act, but I jumped. The Inuzuka stumbled, taken aback, but she quickly recovered. Smart girl.

It was like I was flying. The wind blew through my white braids, slapping my mouth. The adrenaline coursing through my body made me felt like I was on drugs. I felt exhilarated. My muscles tightened, my heart screamed, and my eyes zeroed in on my prey. I was coming down from my high - literally and figuratively. My palm met her tiny face as I shoved her to the ground. I was flying. I flew. Did I fly?

The Inuzuka and I crumpled to the ground. I had the advantage. I was on top, pressing my knees to her abdomen.

Without a second thought, I balled my tiny fist and landed a punch on her face. She attempted to wrestle herself off me. Anger coursed through me.

 _How dare she underestimate me?_

( **when did she underestimate you?)**

 _I've been wanting to wipe that smug, fucking look off her face._

 _She thought I was weak._

 _She thought she was superior._

 **(We both know, though…)**

 _She did. She thought she was so smug._

 _Just because I'm tinier._

 _Just because I'm new._

 _Just because I'm not the top of my class._

 _She thought I was weak, and I finally,_

 _Finally humiliated her._

( **You enjoy crushing bones…**

 **As much as you like crushing dreams.)**

" _Enough!"_

Natsuhi's voice rang through the field, instantaneously slicing through the tense, but excited, air.

We both froze. Spectator-like students stopped chanting. The only sound that was heard was the chorus of birds and our breaths, panting in harmony.

"Make the Seal of Reconciliation and then disperse from the sparring center," Natsuhi ordered monotonously.

I clumsily interlocked my fingers with hers, rose, dusted sand off my knees, and limped back to the students watching.

* * *

"Kotori, a word please,"

The bell had just rung. The classroom was empty, what with students filing out the classroom obediently. I was sluggish, admittedly, in my state; it seemed that all the excitement from earlier completely drained me of my energy. I felt tired and longed for a nap, but I knew had some activities to attend to after school. The fight - and the outcome - had excited me immensely. Motivation surged through me, pumping my brain with determination.

"Yes, Natsuhi-sensei?" I answered compliantly. What did she possibly have to discuss with me? My grades? (Like I said earlier, the curriculum was fast paced and it was taking a little longer to assimilate.) My asocialness? (What business did a secretly twenty-something have with six year olds, anyway?) My meetings with Hokage?

Natsuhi blinked slowly and put down the pen she was tapping against the mahogany desk. Her chakra felt icily familiar, like a brush with a snowflake. It was lavender, I felt.

"How has Class 4-A been for you?" she asked me plainly. I fought the urge to roll my eyes to the back of my head. I'm sure she's been lapping up the reports the Hokage gives her, and vice versa. I couldn't help but wonder if this was a simple polite inquiry or something more. She was aware of my grades and how I was nowhere near the top of the class. I wasn't flunking, or anything, but my performance was borderline unsatisfactory. My taijutsu was average and mundane, ninjutsu was average and mundane, and genjutsu was nonexistent.

"It's been… fine," I lied, brushing off the fact that I hadn't made any friends or that I'm struggling to keep up with my peers. I avoided her icy, pearly gaze. Her eyes reminded me of crisp, Seattle snow. I almost wanted to reach out and…

"Your spar, in particular, interested me," Natsuhi informed me. She folded her hands together. "You took on a fiery spirit this afternoon, one that we have not witnessed since your arrival."

I wasn't sure whether to smile and thank her or stare at her passively. I chose the latter option. I sucked on my bottom lip and nodded.

"Your jump. It's messy but not unorthodox. Your foundation was clumsy and awkward, and if you did that again, I'm sure you'd mess up your knees, ankles, or both,"

I winced under her critique. "... I'm sorry?" I mumbled. I felt disappointed. I yearned for praise, for a smile, for _anything,_ that told me I was doing decent. It _was_ messy and it was a movement not thoroughly thought-out. It was a last-minute defense route to gain the upper hand, but it wasn't as clever as I thought. I didn't feel quite smug anymore, and my confidence deflated out of me like a balloon.

Natsuhi, somehow sensing my disappointment, continued. "However, I will say this: good job on winning. You jump quite high." I blinked, almost surprised. Her praise - which was impossibly rare - almost brought grateful tears to my eyes. "Hone your innate abilities, Kotori-chan. You are dismissed." With that, she continued on finishing up her grading.

I staggered out her classroom and out the school, my mind whirring like a rollercoaster from the recent events.

I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but perhaps through my moistened, blurred eyes - in there, while she gave me approval - I believe I saw a tiny smile form on her porcelain face.


End file.
